When I mention the word earthquake, what’s the first thing you think about?
Most think about the State of California or if you recently watched 60 Minutes (April 2010), the San Francisco Oakland Bridge that’s far from being completed. This bridge is the main transportation vein for San Francisco and will generate widespread devastation if it fails to be completed before the next big earthquake.
Let's shift gears and discuss New Madrid. It’s a place many of you haven’t heard of until now. In the winter of 1811-12, the central Mississippi Valley, was struck by three of the most powerful earthquakes in U.S. history. On December 16, 1811, the violent shaking abruptly awakened residents’ of the town of New Madrid, Missouri.
Between Dec 16,1811 and February 7, 1812 the three violent earthquakes registered in at 8.6, 8.4 & 8.7 on the Richter scale. These earthquakes were stronger than the San Francisco earthquake of 1906 and the Alaskan Good Friday earthquake in 1964.
These quakes were felt from Canada to New Mexico, rang church bells in Boston, cracked log homes walls, which were 3-feet deep in St Louis and damned up the Mississippi River.
The interesting thing…
The earthquakes of that memorable winter were not freak events. On the contrary, scientists have discovered that strong earthquakes in the central Mississippi Valley have occurred on a predictable and frequent basis.
The Central United States is vulnerable to a damaging earthquake. With little or no warning, an earthquake in the New Madrid seismic zone will strike seven or more states, causing major physical, social, and economic disruption to a region that is home to forty million people.
The potential losses from future earthquakes of magnitude 6 or greater in the New Madrid seismic zone are expected to be significant, for at least three reasons: 1) the population centers, notably Memphis and St. Louis, have thousands of structures that are not designed and constructed to withstand the effects of earthquakes; 2) the region is characterized by poorly consolidated sedimentary rocks, which are poor foundation material; and 3) a New Madrid quake would impact a multi-state region (about 10 times larger than the area impacted by a California earthquake of comparable size).
What New Madrid has to do with you and I?
Your and my life, are a lot like the New Madrid seismic fault. Many pressures have been applied to the fault lines of our lives; several structures have been created in our lives, which cannot be sustained in the wake of the economic downturn. The very things we looked to as a life raft-the perfect home & marriage, the unshakable career, and a secure retirement have disappeared for millions of people. This has left many of us feeling lost, alone, disenchanted, depressed and resentful.
The only questions many are left to wrestle with, like the New Madrid impending earthquake are “when, how powerful and what can be done about it?”
The confusing part is many of us have more questions than answers. Many of us did all the “right things” & are left in the wake of a nightmare. We don’t have the resources at our disposal to create the solutions we are desperately longing for.
Reducing Vulnerability by retrofitting our infrastructure….
You and I will deal with earthquakes in life because it comes with the territory. However these earthquakes needn’t have the devastating results the impending New Madrid quake is forecast to have due to failing to create the necessary structural & transportation changes.
You and I are in the position to change our lives by creating a plan to address personal/professional/emotional/physical challenges and seizing opportunities, which present.
Lets embark on the journey by identifying your top 5 vulnerabilities:
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
**The things that came up for me were 1) perfectionism, 2) depending on my own resourcefulness, 3) pride, 4) insecurity & 5) the past.
Now that you’re aware of what you are up against, identify 5 ways, which you can respond to these vulnerabilities to recover and reclaim you life.
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
Using the above example, my plan of escape follows. May it serve as an example to get you engaged in the process of permanent change.
To minimize the fault-line of Perfectionism, I will respond to this vulnerability by learning to ask for help. I will more quickly share what’s plaguing me with close confidants who can help shoulder the burdens I’m experiencing.
To minimize the fault-line of depending on my own resourcefulness, I will follow the same advice I’ve given myself regarding perfectionism, do a lot more listening during times of reflection, less speaking & listening for agreement i.e. during prayer, messages I listen to, advice provided from colleagues, friends and associates. I will remember that ‘none of us are as smart as all of us & none of us are islands.’
To minimize the fault-line of pride, insecurity & past regrets, I will work on becoming mindful of the ways I default to being a perfectionist and depending on my own resourcefulness. In doing so, much of the pride, insecurity and the past regrets will significantly minimize or vanish in its ability to control my thought life and behaviors.
Remember, learning without application is entertainment. Take the time to ask yourself the difficult questions and create your plan of action.
I guarantee the next time an aftershock or full on earthquake hits, you’ll be glad that you did.
To your greatness
Showing posts with label deal with life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label deal with life. Show all posts
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
What are you building with your life? The common denominator for breakthrough.
There are many large, extravagant homes in the world, but the Winchester Mansion stands out from the crowd because of the strange features you will find inside. For example, there are a number of staircases that literally go nowhere, stopping at the ceiling. You might think that somebody decided to close off a staircase, but actually, they were designed that way.
Some of the more functional staircases are also strange. One of them is nicknamed the "switchback staircase" because it turns seven times and has 44 steps, even though it only goes up about nine feet. Why would somebody design a staircase like that?
For that matter, why would somebody design any of the oddities in the Winchester house?
The Winchester house was under construction 24-hours a day, seven days a week, for 38 years. Eventually it spread to 160 rooms from a mere 8, but when Sarah Winchester suddenly died, the entire project came to a grinding halt.
How this correlates to our lives?
Most of us haven’t built a senseless mansion with secret rooms or staircases that don't go anywhere, but maybe your life is a terrible mess, or you live in constant fear, with a broken heart, resentment, regret or uncertainty of what your future holds.
This causes you to feel addicted and trapped like Sarah, yet for different reasons. Sarah was the wife of William Winchester, the son of the man who made the famous Winchester repeating rifle. Sarah and William had one child, a little girl named Annie, who died of a protein deficiency six weeks after birth. Fifteen years later, her husband William died of pulmonary tuberculosis, leaving her feeling lost & searching for answers.
Sarah sought answers from a psychic who indicated she and her family were under a curse due to selling Winchester riffles and the only method of escape was to move to the West Coast and build a property the way the spirits led.
Sarah was so desperate for a solution that she didn’t pay attention to the obvious-there was another way of probable escape from her loneliness. Ultimately Sarah found herself knee deep in renovation madness which ensued 24-hours per week, 365 days per year. Who in their right mind would sign up to live through constant remodeling?
I think of the many times I’ve repeatedly wrestled with frustrating esteem debilitating issues, only to believe my options were limited (or non-existent) because of failing to open myself to the possibility that things could be different.
So how do we get past our past?
You have to reduce everything down to the least common denominator.
The common denominator is the same all the time. You can work the common denominator and ultimately arrive at an answer. There is a feasible answer to each troubling question, no matter the situation, which WORKS.
Discovering the common denominator is the ONLY way to get past our past. It reveals the quality decision needing to be made, including the measurable, actionable steps.
1st: Face the truth about the situation we are dealing with. Honestly describe what you’re dealing with and TEMPORARILY grieve the circumstance. You’re human; hurt, anguish and defeat are normal emotions.
2nd: Identify solutions and those resources (people, books, cd’s, etc), which helps to conquer the circumstance, repeatedly undermining you.
3rd: Get moving by actively applying what’s been learned. This is the place many fail. This occurs namely due to a couple reasons: a) complacency, b) hopelessness, and/or c) pride.
I recall a painful experience where a stepchild inappropriately rejected me. Initially I was shocked! My feelings progressed to frustration, anxiety and resentment. This began to take a toll on my relationship and my self-esteem.
I felt deeply wronged, criticized and was told to just get over it, without the opportunity to address the issue which had progressed to “issues.”
So what to do?
Ultimately I recognized the pain and blatant disrespect had more to do with the stepchild, their ‘relational way of accepted being;’ this wasn’t personal, just simply RUDENESS allowed by their parent and other relatives, preoccupied with looking good, rather than providing clear boundaries and NECESSARY correction.
This understanding was my catalyst for change. It’s far too easy to personalize the attack and perceive it from an improper perspective and actually remain stuck there.
I still am applying steps 2 and 3 to my life circumstance. Some days are easier than others, namely because I don’t always feel supported. The thing which, helps, is to remind myself of the truth, to trump the horrific facts.
Life boils down to a quality decision. Decide optimally and you’ll renovate the mess of a life previously made in no time. Soon, your new life will be second nature.
If you will commit to this life changing way of thinking, you’ll understand, like me that “CIRCUMSTANCES DON’T MAKE ME, THEY REVEAL ME.”
Thank God we all are provided the opportunity to CHANGE.
To your greatness
Some of the more functional staircases are also strange. One of them is nicknamed the "switchback staircase" because it turns seven times and has 44 steps, even though it only goes up about nine feet. Why would somebody design a staircase like that?
For that matter, why would somebody design any of the oddities in the Winchester house?
The Winchester house was under construction 24-hours a day, seven days a week, for 38 years. Eventually it spread to 160 rooms from a mere 8, but when Sarah Winchester suddenly died, the entire project came to a grinding halt.
How this correlates to our lives?
Most of us haven’t built a senseless mansion with secret rooms or staircases that don't go anywhere, but maybe your life is a terrible mess, or you live in constant fear, with a broken heart, resentment, regret or uncertainty of what your future holds.
This causes you to feel addicted and trapped like Sarah, yet for different reasons. Sarah was the wife of William Winchester, the son of the man who made the famous Winchester repeating rifle. Sarah and William had one child, a little girl named Annie, who died of a protein deficiency six weeks after birth. Fifteen years later, her husband William died of pulmonary tuberculosis, leaving her feeling lost & searching for answers.
Sarah sought answers from a psychic who indicated she and her family were under a curse due to selling Winchester riffles and the only method of escape was to move to the West Coast and build a property the way the spirits led.
Sarah was so desperate for a solution that she didn’t pay attention to the obvious-there was another way of probable escape from her loneliness. Ultimately Sarah found herself knee deep in renovation madness which ensued 24-hours per week, 365 days per year. Who in their right mind would sign up to live through constant remodeling?
I think of the many times I’ve repeatedly wrestled with frustrating esteem debilitating issues, only to believe my options were limited (or non-existent) because of failing to open myself to the possibility that things could be different.
So how do we get past our past?
You have to reduce everything down to the least common denominator.
The common denominator is the same all the time. You can work the common denominator and ultimately arrive at an answer. There is a feasible answer to each troubling question, no matter the situation, which WORKS.
Discovering the common denominator is the ONLY way to get past our past. It reveals the quality decision needing to be made, including the measurable, actionable steps.
1st: Face the truth about the situation we are dealing with. Honestly describe what you’re dealing with and TEMPORARILY grieve the circumstance. You’re human; hurt, anguish and defeat are normal emotions.
2nd: Identify solutions and those resources (people, books, cd’s, etc), which helps to conquer the circumstance, repeatedly undermining you.
3rd: Get moving by actively applying what’s been learned. This is the place many fail. This occurs namely due to a couple reasons: a) complacency, b) hopelessness, and/or c) pride.
I recall a painful experience where a stepchild inappropriately rejected me. Initially I was shocked! My feelings progressed to frustration, anxiety and resentment. This began to take a toll on my relationship and my self-esteem.
I felt deeply wronged, criticized and was told to just get over it, without the opportunity to address the issue which had progressed to “issues.”
So what to do?
Ultimately I recognized the pain and blatant disrespect had more to do with the stepchild, their ‘relational way of accepted being;’ this wasn’t personal, just simply RUDENESS allowed by their parent and other relatives, preoccupied with looking good, rather than providing clear boundaries and NECESSARY correction.
This understanding was my catalyst for change. It’s far too easy to personalize the attack and perceive it from an improper perspective and actually remain stuck there.
I still am applying steps 2 and 3 to my life circumstance. Some days are easier than others, namely because I don’t always feel supported. The thing which, helps, is to remind myself of the truth, to trump the horrific facts.
Life boils down to a quality decision. Decide optimally and you’ll renovate the mess of a life previously made in no time. Soon, your new life will be second nature.
If you will commit to this life changing way of thinking, you’ll understand, like me that “CIRCUMSTANCES DON’T MAKE ME, THEY REVEAL ME.”
Thank God we all are provided the opportunity to CHANGE.
To your greatness
Monday, March 1, 2010
Love…A New End In Mind
“Love is like a river. And it flows between the banks of truth and discernment. However when it floods and leaves those banks it becomes a dangerous thing.” - Charles Ryrie
What do you love about yourself? If you’re like most, you keep, preserve and protect aspects about yourself, which no longer serve you. You protect these aspects as trusted friends you cannot see yourself without.
Ryrie’s quote is key to each of our lives because we pursue what we love. We must become better at making decisions. Decisions navigate us to destruction or triumph. It’s time that we position ourselves like a thermostat, rather than a thermometer.
Of all of the people alive in the ENTIRE WORLD only .01% of these individuals know why they believe what they believe. This means that the majority of us live our days doing whatever we feel like doing without knowing why. For far too many of us our moral compass is no longer calibrated for strategic success. How many times have you fallen prey to “if it feels good do it” and “there’s no right or wrong” even if it means horrific consequences to countless lives.
Put your thinking cap on…
How did this love affair with self-indulgence begin and what may each of us do so that we can begin anew?
A) Determine what you value? Identify what no longer serves you and practice the theory of replacement. Replace counterproductive values with those, which serve you personally, professionally, emotionally and physically.
B) Establish realistic expectations. Don’t expect the temptations of reverting to former behavior to automatically disappear. If you valued being a workaholic, taking shortcuts, were prone to jealousy, depression, being the victim, a chronic procrastinator, et al opportunities will consistently re-emerge. You merely have to know the battles you’re in for and proactively re-align your emotions, finances, and stick to your newly formed value system until it becomes an ingrained habit.
C) Don’t expect instant change, forgiveness or reconciliation with yourself and others. Whatever you’ve done/haven’t done has REAL impact and has to be faced. So if you are obese, you won’t instantly become skinny just because of deciding you’ll no longer binge on food when you’re stressed. If you’ve treated several people in your life incorrectly, just because you apologize doesn’t mean that these individuals will instantly trust you. It is truly a process you’ll have to actively pursue and repeatedly demonstrate to others.
D) Practice The LAW of First Mention. In the legal system, it’s commonplace for attorneys to reference former cases to establish/set the standard for the case they’re bringing before the court. Essentially, gather mentors to pattern yourself after. It’s a MUST to select individuals you admire. Remain clear of anyone you resent or who’s missed their moment-a HAS BEEN. Remember you won’t learn from anyone you’re jealous of or RESENT. You’ll never give your all when harboring hidden agenda’s or if engaged in a secret competition with someone who can enrich your life (or vice versa).
E) Make it a habit to reflect upon your behavior to assure proper perspective is maintained. When you’re cognizant of the horror and pain you’ve caused within your life and in the lives of others, it enables you to remain the course with strategic OBEDIENCE! Imagine every aspect of your life being synchronized to such a degree you never find yourself living a life of defeat. Even in the midst of setbacks, you’ll quickly rebound because your discernment is synchronized enabling you to always know what to do &/or what resource to tap into. CS Lewis states this premise succinctly “when 1st things are first, 1st things aren’t suppressed and actually increase.”
F) Communicate strategically. I used to rehearse setbacks to whomever I could get to listen numerous times without getting much closer to a feasible solution. Now I practice ‘3xsharing.’ This principle allows me to share a circumstance I’m facing no more than three times. So I usually share the first time with someone who’ll empathize, the second time with a couple people simultaneously who can provide some ideas for favorable resolution and the third time with someone who can help me put my plan in working order. This ultimately enables me to resolve several challenges, which previously eluded aspects of my life.
These suggestions create and anchor-personally, professionally, emotionally and physically before engaging life’s setbacks and growth opportunities. You are officially ready to win the war within! Protect your right to WIN this peculiar thing called LIFE!
You will either be forced to live in the potential of your faith or with the consequences of your doubt.
"You are the only being in the universe that can cause defeat in your life."
- Larry Tomczak
What do you love about yourself? If you’re like most, you keep, preserve and protect aspects about yourself, which no longer serve you. You protect these aspects as trusted friends you cannot see yourself without.
Ryrie’s quote is key to each of our lives because we pursue what we love. We must become better at making decisions. Decisions navigate us to destruction or triumph. It’s time that we position ourselves like a thermostat, rather than a thermometer.
Of all of the people alive in the ENTIRE WORLD only .01% of these individuals know why they believe what they believe. This means that the majority of us live our days doing whatever we feel like doing without knowing why. For far too many of us our moral compass is no longer calibrated for strategic success. How many times have you fallen prey to “if it feels good do it” and “there’s no right or wrong” even if it means horrific consequences to countless lives.
Put your thinking cap on…
How did this love affair with self-indulgence begin and what may each of us do so that we can begin anew?
A) Determine what you value? Identify what no longer serves you and practice the theory of replacement. Replace counterproductive values with those, which serve you personally, professionally, emotionally and physically.
B) Establish realistic expectations. Don’t expect the temptations of reverting to former behavior to automatically disappear. If you valued being a workaholic, taking shortcuts, were prone to jealousy, depression, being the victim, a chronic procrastinator, et al opportunities will consistently re-emerge. You merely have to know the battles you’re in for and proactively re-align your emotions, finances, and stick to your newly formed value system until it becomes an ingrained habit.
C) Don’t expect instant change, forgiveness or reconciliation with yourself and others. Whatever you’ve done/haven’t done has REAL impact and has to be faced. So if you are obese, you won’t instantly become skinny just because of deciding you’ll no longer binge on food when you’re stressed. If you’ve treated several people in your life incorrectly, just because you apologize doesn’t mean that these individuals will instantly trust you. It is truly a process you’ll have to actively pursue and repeatedly demonstrate to others.
D) Practice The LAW of First Mention. In the legal system, it’s commonplace for attorneys to reference former cases to establish/set the standard for the case they’re bringing before the court. Essentially, gather mentors to pattern yourself after. It’s a MUST to select individuals you admire. Remain clear of anyone you resent or who’s missed their moment-a HAS BEEN. Remember you won’t learn from anyone you’re jealous of or RESENT. You’ll never give your all when harboring hidden agenda’s or if engaged in a secret competition with someone who can enrich your life (or vice versa).
E) Make it a habit to reflect upon your behavior to assure proper perspective is maintained. When you’re cognizant of the horror and pain you’ve caused within your life and in the lives of others, it enables you to remain the course with strategic OBEDIENCE! Imagine every aspect of your life being synchronized to such a degree you never find yourself living a life of defeat. Even in the midst of setbacks, you’ll quickly rebound because your discernment is synchronized enabling you to always know what to do &/or what resource to tap into. CS Lewis states this premise succinctly “when 1st things are first, 1st things aren’t suppressed and actually increase.”
F) Communicate strategically. I used to rehearse setbacks to whomever I could get to listen numerous times without getting much closer to a feasible solution. Now I practice ‘3xsharing.’ This principle allows me to share a circumstance I’m facing no more than three times. So I usually share the first time with someone who’ll empathize, the second time with a couple people simultaneously who can provide some ideas for favorable resolution and the third time with someone who can help me put my plan in working order. This ultimately enables me to resolve several challenges, which previously eluded aspects of my life.
These suggestions create and anchor-personally, professionally, emotionally and physically before engaging life’s setbacks and growth opportunities. You are officially ready to win the war within! Protect your right to WIN this peculiar thing called LIFE!
You will either be forced to live in the potential of your faith or with the consequences of your doubt.
"You are the only being in the universe that can cause defeat in your life."
- Larry Tomczak
Monday, January 11, 2010
When was your last Metamorphosis…or current hiding place?
“I want you to get excited about who you are, what you are, what you have, and what can still be for you. I want to inspire you to see that you can go far beyond where you are now.” –Virginia Satir
He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever uncovers them finds mercy and prospers. Proverbs 28:13
Have you ever played a game of hide and seek? As a child, I regularly played this game with my father. My brother and I would hide when we heard our father opening the door. My brother would hide in the identical places and would go so far as to beckon attention to the area he was hiding when my father acted as though he couldn’t find us.
I on the other hand was strategic. I made it my priority to stake out places to hide so never to be “discovered.”
Hide and seek is ok for children, yet as adults its an ENTIRELY different matter. Adults in hiding subconsciously perceive themselves as “know-it alls” or suffer from low self-esteem.
Adults in hiding have faced a series of unmet expectations, causing a paralysis of metamorphosis in an effort to ward off all future pain or disappointment. You most likely suffer from this if you either 1) think you have everyone figured out, 2) serially pre-judge others motives, or 3) love the saying “if you don’t expect anything good to happen you won’t be disappointed.”
Those who are wrestling with the residue of unmet expectations-in one or more aspects of their life have forgotten the end of a season or era, no matter how dramatic or downright wrong or cruel it may be, doesn’t mean they must cease trusting the process of life.
Left unchallenged, this individual will find themselves cynical, prone to incessantly blame others, huddle with other “victims” while judging others as inferior to them, vehemently refuse to accept any responsibility for their actions/inaction and hide from anything which remotely seeks intimacy. The worst part for this person is an unconscious inability to genuinely GIVE or RECEIVE grace-undeserved, unearned favor, forgiveness, love and kindness. This intricate tango is oxygen to any viable relationship-with oneself or otherwise.
None of us are immune!
As I was thinking of how horrible it must be to hide in anger, fear, apathy or low self-esteem it became apparent that none of us are above the game of adult hide and seek.
If every aspect of our lives isn’t continuously being examined, we inadvertently join the ranks of those who hide, cutting ourselves off from living our best life-personally, professionally, spiritually and physically.
After listening to a compelling conversation on New Years Resolutions, I composed two lists-what to do or keep doing if hiding remains an appealing option versus what’s truly necessary for those desirous to CHANGE and grow in intimacy and grace toward oneself and strategically with others.
The absolute foolproof method to experience a miserable 2010 is:
1. Worry incessantly about anything and everything i.e. aging, job security, relationships, your children, and your bodyweight.
2. Pre-occupy yourself with getting rich. i.e. fall for a too good to be true get rich scheme. Covet everything the rich and famous have; the desirable stuff only, without taking into account the hard work, the responsibility, et al of being “rich.”
3. Compare yourself to others. It’s guaranteed you’ll always come out worse because you’ll likely namely feel compelled to compare yourself with those you’ve deemed “better” than yourself.
4. Add to your list of enemies. Now you’ll have a head start on being increasingly bitter and pessimistic about life and people will definitely begin (or continue) avoiding you.
5. Set and cling to unrealistic expectations/predictions i.e. compare yourself to the rock hard abs infomercial that comes on at 2:30am in the morning using people that probably never had bodies like the 95% of the world they’re selling the machines to.
The ideal path to sustainable CHANGE 2010 and beyond is:
1. Remember everyone’ll watch you. Consistently purify your motives. People see through us, so make sure that we advertise in the storefront, that which is in the storehouse.
2. Remember you’ll encounter unreasonable situations and people. Unfair, dishonest, backward treatment will happen to even the best of us. Our human tendency is toward a desire for retribution; especially the types that no one else will see you’ve carried out.
3. Remember, you’ll have some setbacks. However daunting they may be, you must get over them.
4. Remember, you’ll require unusual patience and will need to extend unusual grace. When you do what is right and suffer for it, you’ll find favor with God and others. When you maintain a course of action during intense opposition, you will win. Remember that nothing stays the same.
5. Remember you’ll consistently need to restore your HOPE. You’ll need to make it a priority to trust in more than just yourself.
Review this list bi-weekly to keep yourself mindful of the necessity to live an authentic life. Further, enlist the support of others who will hold you accountable and enthusiastic about your goals.
No one can change or sustain momentum alone. None of us are as smart as all of us!
He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever uncovers them finds mercy and prospers. Proverbs 28:13
Have you ever played a game of hide and seek? As a child, I regularly played this game with my father. My brother and I would hide when we heard our father opening the door. My brother would hide in the identical places and would go so far as to beckon attention to the area he was hiding when my father acted as though he couldn’t find us.
I on the other hand was strategic. I made it my priority to stake out places to hide so never to be “discovered.”
Hide and seek is ok for children, yet as adults its an ENTIRELY different matter. Adults in hiding subconsciously perceive themselves as “know-it alls” or suffer from low self-esteem.
Adults in hiding have faced a series of unmet expectations, causing a paralysis of metamorphosis in an effort to ward off all future pain or disappointment. You most likely suffer from this if you either 1) think you have everyone figured out, 2) serially pre-judge others motives, or 3) love the saying “if you don’t expect anything good to happen you won’t be disappointed.”
Those who are wrestling with the residue of unmet expectations-in one or more aspects of their life have forgotten the end of a season or era, no matter how dramatic or downright wrong or cruel it may be, doesn’t mean they must cease trusting the process of life.
Left unchallenged, this individual will find themselves cynical, prone to incessantly blame others, huddle with other “victims” while judging others as inferior to them, vehemently refuse to accept any responsibility for their actions/inaction and hide from anything which remotely seeks intimacy. The worst part for this person is an unconscious inability to genuinely GIVE or RECEIVE grace-undeserved, unearned favor, forgiveness, love and kindness. This intricate tango is oxygen to any viable relationship-with oneself or otherwise.
None of us are immune!
As I was thinking of how horrible it must be to hide in anger, fear, apathy or low self-esteem it became apparent that none of us are above the game of adult hide and seek.
If every aspect of our lives isn’t continuously being examined, we inadvertently join the ranks of those who hide, cutting ourselves off from living our best life-personally, professionally, spiritually and physically.
After listening to a compelling conversation on New Years Resolutions, I composed two lists-what to do or keep doing if hiding remains an appealing option versus what’s truly necessary for those desirous to CHANGE and grow in intimacy and grace toward oneself and strategically with others.
The absolute foolproof method to experience a miserable 2010 is:
1. Worry incessantly about anything and everything i.e. aging, job security, relationships, your children, and your bodyweight.
2. Pre-occupy yourself with getting rich. i.e. fall for a too good to be true get rich scheme. Covet everything the rich and famous have; the desirable stuff only, without taking into account the hard work, the responsibility, et al of being “rich.”
3. Compare yourself to others. It’s guaranteed you’ll always come out worse because you’ll likely namely feel compelled to compare yourself with those you’ve deemed “better” than yourself.
4. Add to your list of enemies. Now you’ll have a head start on being increasingly bitter and pessimistic about life and people will definitely begin (or continue) avoiding you.
5. Set and cling to unrealistic expectations/predictions i.e. compare yourself to the rock hard abs infomercial that comes on at 2:30am in the morning using people that probably never had bodies like the 95% of the world they’re selling the machines to.
The ideal path to sustainable CHANGE 2010 and beyond is:
1. Remember everyone’ll watch you. Consistently purify your motives. People see through us, so make sure that we advertise in the storefront, that which is in the storehouse.
2. Remember you’ll encounter unreasonable situations and people. Unfair, dishonest, backward treatment will happen to even the best of us. Our human tendency is toward a desire for retribution; especially the types that no one else will see you’ve carried out.
3. Remember, you’ll have some setbacks. However daunting they may be, you must get over them.
4. Remember, you’ll require unusual patience and will need to extend unusual grace. When you do what is right and suffer for it, you’ll find favor with God and others. When you maintain a course of action during intense opposition, you will win. Remember that nothing stays the same.
5. Remember you’ll consistently need to restore your HOPE. You’ll need to make it a priority to trust in more than just yourself.
Review this list bi-weekly to keep yourself mindful of the necessity to live an authentic life. Further, enlist the support of others who will hold you accountable and enthusiastic about your goals.
No one can change or sustain momentum alone. None of us are as smart as all of us!
Friday, November 27, 2009
For Trudy...and anyone else destined for CHANGE
For Trudy
Trudy Hopkins is the epitome of the word PHENOMENAL.
Trudy is extremely supportive to anyone who crosses her path, loves unconditionally-I've never seen anyone love their husband and animals so selflessly.
Trudy never wants anything in return-except for people to be drawn to Christ by her life which she consistently offers as an example.
Each of us needs a Trudy in our lives. Even if you can't reach out to a literal person, look to these web posts for like inspiration.
Begin this journey by promising from this moment forward to consistently take inventory of the things you're grateful for, the breakthroughs you've experienced, the setbacks and your process to overcome...
As I've requested you to complete the assignment, I thought there's no better time than the present to practice what I preach....
Trudy has inspired me to grow in key ways. They are:
1) Challenging me to question my motives. To truly make certain they're Gods perfect plan rather than mines, hers or someone Else's.
2) To increase my gratitude muscle. Trudy and Tena are two of the most grateful people I know. They always put a favorable twist on the most challenging situations. I thought I had gratitude mastered until these two women emerged to constantly call me to my greatness.
3) To truly invest in marriage. NO one ever tells you BEFORE you marry the work that goes into it. They also don't tell you how the stakes dramatically raise when bonus children (aka step-children) and age differences with your spouse are involved.
4) To always make time for what matters most. I knew this already, yet it's a beautiful thing when you get to see it practiced in front of you.
5) To NEVER give up. Trudy has had her share of setbacks. She's experienced difficulty within her family, extended family, friends, acquaintances, with work, her health and now with having to recover from a stroke she had 11/19/09.
There have been lots of uphill battles, yet she always pulls herself together. Trudy knows how to exercise her childlike faith to trump whatever daunting task faces her. I have so much more materially than Trudy; yet she runs circles around me with her emotional wealth!
I know I'll get there because I now make it my priority to let people OWN their own STUFF....so Trudy watch out! I'm a quick study you know.
6) To forgive. I had some major opportunities for growth in thus area. If you're honest with yourself-we all have. It's imperative to get unforgiveness resolved or it ruins you and everything that interacts with you. I see unforgiveness like. Sludge which overtakes everything. The longer it isn't dealt with, the worse it becomes. It causes sleepless nights, excessive weight gain, vendettas, emotional withholding from the very people you should be most connected to, ruins marriages and friendships, alienates you from yourself and others, and keeps you prisoner to the past because you do everything you can to keep your guard intact.
There is a better way & it's called grace.
Grace is the divine influence upon your heart and it's reflection is made apparent in life.
Grace is necessary. Without it you'll never be gracious, unconditional and loving toward yourself.
What you can't give to yourself, you're never truly able to give to others.....
Join the CHANGE revolution and commit to forgive yourself for the past, value the present and strategiesto implement for the future using inherent strengths.
Lastly, let's pray for Trudy's complete recovery....there's several lessons left for all of us to learn from her!
To your phenomenal life,
Pen name Tatum
Trudy Hopkins is the epitome of the word PHENOMENAL.
Trudy is extremely supportive to anyone who crosses her path, loves unconditionally-I've never seen anyone love their husband and animals so selflessly.
Trudy never wants anything in return-except for people to be drawn to Christ by her life which she consistently offers as an example.
Each of us needs a Trudy in our lives. Even if you can't reach out to a literal person, look to these web posts for like inspiration.
Begin this journey by promising from this moment forward to consistently take inventory of the things you're grateful for, the breakthroughs you've experienced, the setbacks and your process to overcome...
As I've requested you to complete the assignment, I thought there's no better time than the present to practice what I preach....
Trudy has inspired me to grow in key ways. They are:
1) Challenging me to question my motives. To truly make certain they're Gods perfect plan rather than mines, hers or someone Else's.
2) To increase my gratitude muscle. Trudy and Tena are two of the most grateful people I know. They always put a favorable twist on the most challenging situations. I thought I had gratitude mastered until these two women emerged to constantly call me to my greatness.
3) To truly invest in marriage. NO one ever tells you BEFORE you marry the work that goes into it. They also don't tell you how the stakes dramatically raise when bonus children (aka step-children) and age differences with your spouse are involved.
4) To always make time for what matters most. I knew this already, yet it's a beautiful thing when you get to see it practiced in front of you.
5) To NEVER give up. Trudy has had her share of setbacks. She's experienced difficulty within her family, extended family, friends, acquaintances, with work, her health and now with having to recover from a stroke she had 11/19/09.
There have been lots of uphill battles, yet she always pulls herself together. Trudy knows how to exercise her childlike faith to trump whatever daunting task faces her. I have so much more materially than Trudy; yet she runs circles around me with her emotional wealth!
I know I'll get there because I now make it my priority to let people OWN their own STUFF....so Trudy watch out! I'm a quick study you know.
6) To forgive. I had some major opportunities for growth in thus area. If you're honest with yourself-we all have. It's imperative to get unforgiveness resolved or it ruins you and everything that interacts with you. I see unforgiveness like. Sludge which overtakes everything. The longer it isn't dealt with, the worse it becomes. It causes sleepless nights, excessive weight gain, vendettas, emotional withholding from the very people you should be most connected to, ruins marriages and friendships, alienates you from yourself and others, and keeps you prisoner to the past because you do everything you can to keep your guard intact.
There is a better way & it's called grace.
Grace is the divine influence upon your heart and it's reflection is made apparent in life.
Grace is necessary. Without it you'll never be gracious, unconditional and loving toward yourself.
What you can't give to yourself, you're never truly able to give to others.....
Join the CHANGE revolution and commit to forgive yourself for the past, value the present and strategiesto implement for the future using inherent strengths.
Lastly, let's pray for Trudy's complete recovery....there's several lessons left for all of us to learn from her!
To your phenomenal life,
Pen name Tatum
Your Biggest LIFE Problem
Immediate stress relief is on the way. You don't have to wait for years to change and relive the stress in your life. Finally you and I can overcome depression, difficulty and anxiety.
Aspects of my life and so many others have been derailed lately. Maybe yours is due to finances, a relationship, or workplace issues.
Whatever the source, our biggest problem isn't talent or know how to resolve our most pressing difficulties.
It's actually the discipline to persevere, work strategically and consistently follow directions.
In the midst of persecution and mounting difficulty it's often hardest to stay the course.
You're not alone....
I got to asking myself why this occurs and what can be done to turn around our prognosis?
I began by sitting still, reflecting on what I already know and how it might be applied to the situation's currently on the windshield of my life. Here's what I discovered:
1) Remember you're never alone. At this very moment, there are numerous individuals dealing with challenges; to prevail you must do more of what you know to do without any hesitation...or at the very least get back on the recovery wagon sooner than the time before.
2) Remember to celebrate small wins. There's something I do correctly on a daily basis. When I shift my focus things change-there's a small window that emerges where I can consciously choose to re-define my mindset, an opportunity to determine what step or steps I may initiate which will get me closer to my expected end.
3) Remember how much work I've already done and accomplished toward the acquisition of my goal that I find myself stressing about. For example "This trying time has actually provided the opportunity to press into my faith at a more concrete level than I have in the past; it's provided the opportunity to practice what I preach to others and myself when I'm feeling at my best."
4) Remember my innate ability to see the big picture. I know how to clearly see through to the core of things. It's a gifting I continually develop by remaining teachable, praying in a manner that its a constant conversation, practicing theories I come up with or discover from others on myself before requiring others to join in and making adjustments as necessary. *something profound happens when we take even the smallest step toward CHANGE.
So now that you get the picture, let me challenge you to do the same in your life. Identify a circumstance that is CURRENTLY robbing you of JOY and define some concrete gifts within arms reach that can help you craft a feasible resolution.
If you're silently thinking life is hopeless and change illudes you, think about turning to the Internet. You can type a question or phrases into a search engine and within seconds all sorts of information pops up.
I do this often because I believe none of us are smarter than all of us. Some of the insight is wacky, so I quickly scan the next search engine result until I find something which personally resonates. Sometimes that concludes my search and I'll begin digesting the information; other times it leads me to a deeper search on a particular matter until I can find a place to properly camp out and learn.
I cut and paste things I locate into a Word document and print it out. I review the document over and over until I realize every discovery it can provide to my particular circumstance.
I then play with it in my real life. For instance, I'll teach it to someone else. If my approach isn't flawless, it immediately provides a short list of new objectives to place my focus to master the intended goal.
Another thing I do is go through the process identified at the beginning of this post-most importantly illiciting the help of others more knowledgable than I in a particular area or horrendously worse off than I to make certain I'm developing the proper skill-set.
Lastly put yourself on the hook for accountability. You and I solely change because of going through the tough process of revising patterns that have become comfortable, although not working particularly well for the intended destination where your and my life is waiting!
Remember the way out is Through. If you want change, you have to do some changing.
Share your setbacks, triumphs and permanent change with all of us. The Internet is waiting for your wisdom.
To your best life,
Penname Tatum
Aspects of my life and so many others have been derailed lately. Maybe yours is due to finances, a relationship, or workplace issues.
Whatever the source, our biggest problem isn't talent or know how to resolve our most pressing difficulties.
It's actually the discipline to persevere, work strategically and consistently follow directions.
In the midst of persecution and mounting difficulty it's often hardest to stay the course.
You're not alone....
I got to asking myself why this occurs and what can be done to turn around our prognosis?
I began by sitting still, reflecting on what I already know and how it might be applied to the situation's currently on the windshield of my life. Here's what I discovered:
1) Remember you're never alone. At this very moment, there are numerous individuals dealing with challenges; to prevail you must do more of what you know to do without any hesitation...or at the very least get back on the recovery wagon sooner than the time before.
2) Remember to celebrate small wins. There's something I do correctly on a daily basis. When I shift my focus things change-there's a small window that emerges where I can consciously choose to re-define my mindset, an opportunity to determine what step or steps I may initiate which will get me closer to my expected end.
3) Remember how much work I've already done and accomplished toward the acquisition of my goal that I find myself stressing about. For example "This trying time has actually provided the opportunity to press into my faith at a more concrete level than I have in the past; it's provided the opportunity to practice what I preach to others and myself when I'm feeling at my best."
4) Remember my innate ability to see the big picture. I know how to clearly see through to the core of things. It's a gifting I continually develop by remaining teachable, praying in a manner that its a constant conversation, practicing theories I come up with or discover from others on myself before requiring others to join in and making adjustments as necessary. *something profound happens when we take even the smallest step toward CHANGE.
So now that you get the picture, let me challenge you to do the same in your life. Identify a circumstance that is CURRENTLY robbing you of JOY and define some concrete gifts within arms reach that can help you craft a feasible resolution.
If you're silently thinking life is hopeless and change illudes you, think about turning to the Internet. You can type a question or phrases into a search engine and within seconds all sorts of information pops up.
I do this often because I believe none of us are smarter than all of us. Some of the insight is wacky, so I quickly scan the next search engine result until I find something which personally resonates. Sometimes that concludes my search and I'll begin digesting the information; other times it leads me to a deeper search on a particular matter until I can find a place to properly camp out and learn.
I cut and paste things I locate into a Word document and print it out. I review the document over and over until I realize every discovery it can provide to my particular circumstance.
I then play with it in my real life. For instance, I'll teach it to someone else. If my approach isn't flawless, it immediately provides a short list of new objectives to place my focus to master the intended goal.
Another thing I do is go through the process identified at the beginning of this post-most importantly illiciting the help of others more knowledgable than I in a particular area or horrendously worse off than I to make certain I'm developing the proper skill-set.
Lastly put yourself on the hook for accountability. You and I solely change because of going through the tough process of revising patterns that have become comfortable, although not working particularly well for the intended destination where your and my life is waiting!
Remember the way out is Through. If you want change, you have to do some changing.
Share your setbacks, triumphs and permanent change with all of us. The Internet is waiting for your wisdom.
To your best life,
Penname Tatum
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