When was your last Metamorphosis…or current hiding place?

“I want you to get excited about who you are, what you are, what you have, and what can still be for you. I want to inspire you to see that you can go far beyond where you are now.” –Virginia Satir


He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever uncovers them finds mercy and prospers. Proverbs 28:13
Have you ever played a game of hide and seek? As a child, I regularly played this game with my father. My brother and I would hide when we heard our father opening the door. My brother would hide in the identical places and would go so far as to beckon attention to the area he was hiding when my father acted as though he couldn’t find us.
I on the other hand was strategic. I made it my priority to stake out places to hide so never to be “discovered.”
Hide and seek is ok for children, yet as adults its an ENTIRELY different matter. Adults in hiding subconsciously perceive themselves as “know-it alls” or suffer from low self-esteem.

Adults in hiding have faced a series of unmet expectations, causing a paralysis of metamorphosis in an effort to ward off all future pain or disappointment. You most likely suffer from this if you either 1) think you have everyone figured out, 2) serially pre-judge others motives, or 3) love the saying “if you don’t expect anything good to happen you won’t be disappointed.”
Those who are wrestling with the residue of unmet expectations-in one or more aspects of their life have forgotten the end of a season or era, no matter how dramatic or downright wrong or cruel it may be, doesn’t mean they must cease trusting the process of life.

Left unchallenged, this individual will find themselves cynical, prone to incessantly blame others, huddle with other “victims” while judging others as inferior to them, vehemently refuse to accept any responsibility for their actions/inaction and hide from anything which remotely seeks intimacy. The worst part for this person is an unconscious inability to genuinely GIVE or RECEIVE grace-undeserved, unearned favor, forgiveness, love and kindness. This intricate tango is oxygen to any viable relationship-with oneself or otherwise.

None of us are immune!
As I was thinking of how horrible it must be to hide in anger, fear, apathy or low self-esteem it became apparent that none of us are above the game of adult hide and seek.
If every aspect of our lives isn’t continuously being examined, we inadvertently join the ranks of those who hide, cutting ourselves off from living our best life-personally, professionally, spiritually and physically.
After listening to a compelling conversation on New Years Resolutions, I composed two lists-what to do or keep doing if hiding remains an appealing option versus what’s truly necessary for those desirous to CHANGE and grow in intimacy and grace toward oneself and strategically with others.

The absolute foolproof method to experience a miserable 2010 is:

1. Worry incessantly about anything and everything i.e. aging, job security, relationships, your children, and your bodyweight.
2. Pre-occupy yourself with getting rich. i.e. fall for a too good to be true get rich scheme. Covet everything the rich and famous have; the desirable stuff only, without taking into account the hard work, the responsibility, et al of being “rich.”
3. Compare yourself to others. It’s guaranteed you’ll always come out worse because you’ll likely namely feel compelled to compare yourself with those you’ve deemed “better” than yourself.
4. Add to your list of enemies. Now you’ll have a head start on being increasingly bitter and pessimistic about life and people will definitely begin (or continue) avoiding you.
5. Set and cling to unrealistic expectations/predictions i.e. compare yourself to the rock hard abs infomercial that comes on at 2:30am in the morning using people that probably never had bodies like the 95% of the world they’re selling the machines to.

The ideal path to sustainable CHANGE 2010 and beyond is:

1. Remember everyone’ll watch you. Consistently purify your motives. People see through us, so make sure that we advertise in the storefront, that which is in the storehouse.
2. Remember you’ll encounter unreasonable situations and people. Unfair, dishonest, backward treatment will happen to even the best of us. Our human tendency is toward a desire for retribution; especially the types that no one else will see you’ve carried out.
3. Remember, you’ll have some setbacks. However daunting they may be, you must get over them.
4. Remember, you’ll require unusual patience and will need to extend unusual grace. When you do what is right and suffer for it, you’ll find favor with God and others. When you maintain a course of action during intense opposition, you will win. Remember that nothing stays the same.
5. Remember you’ll consistently need to restore your HOPE. You’ll need to make it a priority to trust in more than just yourself.

Review this list bi-weekly to keep yourself mindful of the necessity to live an authentic life. Further, enlist the support of others who will hold you accountable and enthusiastic about your goals.
No one can change or sustain momentum alone. None of us are as smart as all of us!

Identify Distorted Thought Patterns...

The kindest form of life management is to recognize the truth about yourself. It's the discovery of self which enables meaningful interactions with others. At first glance this statement seems pretty easy to accept until we are forced to apply it to an area of our lives that's at some sort of standstill.

The standstills are in fact places where recovery is desperately needed. They also happen to be the places where resistance is subconsciously or consciously stronger than ever.

Why is this?

It's incredibly revealing, painful, disturbing and regretful to look at the totality of our lives. To make matters worse, not many of us were raised to "do endings well" so rather than face the possibility of confrontation, we learn to internalize what's wrong, & second guess ourselves. This leads to mistrust of self and the world around us & a lifetime supply of ego and pride which provides a false satisfaction that keeps us UNdelightfully STUCK!

So we go through life with a limp that diminishes our courage to fight our battles alone.

After getting past the negative self talk & the ramblings of my ego which rationalized the counterproductive behavior, I came to the realization that I tend to internalize things. After I identified my need, the next step was to identify the last several times I did things differently, leaving my thoughts and inner voices intact. These were the discoveries:

1) I didn't internalize the situation when I spoke up for myself.
2) I didn't internalize the thoughts as long when I quickly shifted my thought toward something else.
3) I didn't internalize the situation and thoughts when I read affirming thoughts previously created by myself when the world seemed a o.k.
4) I didn't internalize when I spent time with people who were affirming, yet honest with me. Essentially when I felt they had my best interest at heart, I was free to share more of myself authentically.
5) I didn't internalize information when I would read, memorize & meditate upon scriptures.

Now its your turn to identify an area of need & list the discoveries when you noticed life was somehow different. Even in the midst of the storm, or biggest setback, you noticed calm waters.

So with my list in hand, I played the movie in my mind by recalling the three areas of my life, most in need of this sort of change. They were professionally, emotionally and relationally.

Since these three areas were going in 3 different directions, synergy was required if recovery was my ultimate goal. Synergy occurs when two or more things are working together (muscles or drugs for example) to produce an effect greater than the sum of their individual effects.

The tools I had in my possession could assure change as long as I became increasingly mindful of the ways I people please, exercising the choice to say no as well as share "what's true for me" without second guessing myself. Although setbacks and mistakes were certain, now I could endure past the past and anticipate the result: reclaiming the free-spirit nature I never knew.

This is a journey that I've discovered is life long, meandering and is getting a little easier on some days, less easier on others, yet all the while well worth it. I also have noticed that I'm better at expressing my viewpoint, than I was even weeks ago.
Literally, every day in every way, I am getting better and better.

And so can you! Share your journey to inspire me and countless others.