When I mention the word earthquake, what’s the first thing you think about?
Most think about the State of California or if you recently watched 60 Minutes (April 2010), the San Francisco Oakland Bridge that’s far from being completed. This bridge is the main transportation vein for San Francisco and will generate widespread devastation if it fails to be completed before the next big earthquake.
Let's shift gears and discuss New Madrid. It’s a place many of you haven’t heard of until now. In the winter of 1811-12, the central Mississippi Valley, was struck by three of the most powerful earthquakes in U.S. history. On December 16, 1811, the violent shaking abruptly awakened residents’ of the town of New Madrid, Missouri.
Between Dec 16,1811 and February 7, 1812 the three violent earthquakes registered in at 8.6, 8.4 & 8.7 on the Richter scale. These earthquakes were stronger than the San Francisco earthquake of 1906 and the Alaskan Good Friday earthquake in 1964.
These quakes were felt from Canada to New Mexico, rang church bells in Boston, cracked log homes walls, which were 3-feet deep in St Louis and damned up the Mississippi River.
The interesting thing…
The earthquakes of that memorable winter were not freak events. On the contrary, scientists have discovered that strong earthquakes in the central Mississippi Valley have occurred on a predictable and frequent basis.
The Central United States is vulnerable to a damaging earthquake. With little or no warning, an earthquake in the New Madrid seismic zone will strike seven or more states, causing major physical, social, and economic disruption to a region that is home to forty million people.
The potential losses from future earthquakes of magnitude 6 or greater in the New Madrid seismic zone are expected to be significant, for at least three reasons: 1) the population centers, notably Memphis and St. Louis, have thousands of structures that are not designed and constructed to withstand the effects of earthquakes; 2) the region is characterized by poorly consolidated sedimentary rocks, which are poor foundation material; and 3) a New Madrid quake would impact a multi-state region (about 10 times larger than the area impacted by a California earthquake of comparable size).
What New Madrid has to do with you and I?
Your and my life, are a lot like the New Madrid seismic fault. Many pressures have been applied to the fault lines of our lives; several structures have been created in our lives, which cannot be sustained in the wake of the economic downturn. The very things we looked to as a life raft-the perfect home & marriage, the unshakable career, and a secure retirement have disappeared for millions of people. This has left many of us feeling lost, alone, disenchanted, depressed and resentful.
The only questions many are left to wrestle with, like the New Madrid impending earthquake are “when, how powerful and what can be done about it?”
The confusing part is many of us have more questions than answers. Many of us did all the “right things” & are left in the wake of a nightmare. We don’t have the resources at our disposal to create the solutions we are desperately longing for.
Reducing Vulnerability by retrofitting our infrastructure….
You and I will deal with earthquakes in life because it comes with the territory. However these earthquakes needn’t have the devastating results the impending New Madrid quake is forecast to have due to failing to create the necessary structural & transportation changes.
You and I are in the position to change our lives by creating a plan to address personal/professional/emotional/physical challenges and seizing opportunities, which present.
Lets embark on the journey by identifying your top 5 vulnerabilities:
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
**The things that came up for me were 1) perfectionism, 2) depending on my own resourcefulness, 3) pride, 4) insecurity & 5) the past.
Now that you’re aware of what you are up against, identify 5 ways, which you can respond to these vulnerabilities to recover and reclaim you life.
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
Using the above example, my plan of escape follows. May it serve as an example to get you engaged in the process of permanent change.
To minimize the fault-line of Perfectionism, I will respond to this vulnerability by learning to ask for help. I will more quickly share what’s plaguing me with close confidants who can help shoulder the burdens I’m experiencing.
To minimize the fault-line of depending on my own resourcefulness, I will follow the same advice I’ve given myself regarding perfectionism, do a lot more listening during times of reflection, less speaking & listening for agreement i.e. during prayer, messages I listen to, advice provided from colleagues, friends and associates. I will remember that ‘none of us are as smart as all of us & none of us are islands.’
To minimize the fault-line of pride, insecurity & past regrets, I will work on becoming mindful of the ways I default to being a perfectionist and depending on my own resourcefulness. In doing so, much of the pride, insecurity and the past regrets will significantly minimize or vanish in its ability to control my thought life and behaviors.
Remember, learning without application is entertainment. Take the time to ask yourself the difficult questions and create your plan of action.
I guarantee the next time an aftershock or full on earthquake hits, you’ll be glad that you did.
To your greatness
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
FEAR…its time to Spring Forward
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves-regret from the past and fear of the future. Which face of fear has its hands clinched around your neck?”
-Dr. Kasmin Boswell
This past Saturday we had to spring forward by moving our clocks one hour ahead. This is poetic because it happens to coincide with our need to spring past fear.
Few things in life create more worry, stress & fear than your future. If you take the right steps today, tomorrow is guaranteed to take care of itself. Allow me to explain…
Fear is one of those things we often experience through ‘feelings,’ yet don’t exactly know how to pinpoint. If you’re like me, you sometimes find yourself frustrated, depressed or melancholy without knowing fully why.
To better understand the many faces of fear, you and I are wise to name them. I’ve listed the most common “fear friends” thereby enabling you to gain a better grasp of what you and I are up against.
The Insecure One- This fear causes your self-esteem to diminish or “appear to have” completely disappear. You fixate on people as objects, rather than persons. You fixate so much on your “issues” that you have no time left to forge toward a viable solution or meaningful connection with anyone else. This fear sees everyone as your means to an end.
The Distorted One- This fear causes you go to extremes i.e. “I’m all alone.” “Nobody loves me.” “I’ll never love again.” You rarely deal with truth because you’re knee deep in battle with shadows, rather than the real issue.
The Victimized One- This fear causes you to feel there’s no way of escaping your pain.
The Stressed One- This fear causes you to feel immobilized; it cripples and criticizes you. You’re emotionally and physically affected.
The Mistaken One- This fear causes radical theft of your identity. This fear takes more than it gives. You might swear you’re too empty to possibly make any deposits into anyone else’s life. You tell yourself if you help someone else, they’ll be little or no time left to think about your problems. Left unhandled, it’ll steal the truth you already know about yourself and situations you find yourself addressing.
The Paralyzed One- This fear causes fear of taking another step and steals your joy. It alienates you from access to the truth you already know.
The Complacent One-This fear leaves us fine with being the victim & telling our story to whoever will listen. We become emotional vampires. Sucking life out of once treasured relationships. This fear tears at the core of intimacy in our relationships because we are too busy protecting ourselves, to do whatever ultimately needs to be done to preserve and/or strengthen relationships.
The Regretful One – This fear causes you to feel as though you can’t be transparent because of believing there’s too much ‘regret’ to overcome. This fear whispers, ‘why bother.’
The Isolated One- This fear causes us to be afraid to share our fear(s) with anyone else; or at least the one’s who can actually help. This fear convinces you that TRANSPARENCY is for weak people & if you’re SMART you’ll tough it out or do what you already have been doing.
I recently discovered Neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson’s book “Take The Risk.” In it, he teaches an excellent Best Case/Worst Case Scenario exercise. The bare bones of this approach, is to ask 4 key questions. They are:
-What's the best that can happen if I do this?
-What's the worst that can happen if I do this?
-What's the best that can happen if I don't do this?
-What's the worst that can happen if I don't do this?
Though these questions can be insightful when answered, yet don’t FULLY help you with application to your real life circumstance or help to determine how you will navigate past the grips of FEAR staring you in the face. I’d like to share six points, which inspire me to keep moving and to never let fear overtake me! Keep in mind, fear will come; just don’t allow it to stay.
How you and I may respond to fear
1) Surrender. Recognize you don’t know ALL the answers. Remove pride and ego from your life. Hint: pride and ego are present in the places you immediately think to hide, misrepresent issues or engage in negative self-talk to keep you from proceeding ahead.
2) Resist the tendency to blame yourself or anyone else.
3) Draw near to resources that will sustain you and create a foundation for you to flourish. This shifts your focus from the problem to the solution and/or possibility.
4) Deal with what you’re doing incorrectly. Clean up your stuff. Ex. If you have issues with someone or notice a circumstance, keeps resurfacing, get past it. Getting past "it" includes writing a letter to confess or face the issue; create a strategy to forgive or accept (them or it) and bring closure.
5) Shift your motives. Do everything from a place of humility. Recognize that everything in life isn’t about you. The best life is spent in contribution and commitment to continual learning.
6) Recognize wimpy theology, makes for a wimpy life. You have to choose to be strong and courageous even in the midst of horrific setbacks. Each time you refuse to crumble under pressure, growth occurs. As you grow, you better adapt in the handling of difficult circumstances.
This is a call to mature in faith, courage and integrity. This only occurs through being alert, aware, growing in maturity, being reliable, responsible and inter-dependent.
“Until you see fear for what it is, you’ll remain unable to get your priorities in life straight. Everything else will suffer.”
-Dr. Kasmin Boswell
-Dr. Kasmin Boswell
This past Saturday we had to spring forward by moving our clocks one hour ahead. This is poetic because it happens to coincide with our need to spring past fear.
Few things in life create more worry, stress & fear than your future. If you take the right steps today, tomorrow is guaranteed to take care of itself. Allow me to explain…
Fear is one of those things we often experience through ‘feelings,’ yet don’t exactly know how to pinpoint. If you’re like me, you sometimes find yourself frustrated, depressed or melancholy without knowing fully why.
To better understand the many faces of fear, you and I are wise to name them. I’ve listed the most common “fear friends” thereby enabling you to gain a better grasp of what you and I are up against.
The Insecure One- This fear causes your self-esteem to diminish or “appear to have” completely disappear. You fixate on people as objects, rather than persons. You fixate so much on your “issues” that you have no time left to forge toward a viable solution or meaningful connection with anyone else. This fear sees everyone as your means to an end.
The Distorted One- This fear causes you go to extremes i.e. “I’m all alone.” “Nobody loves me.” “I’ll never love again.” You rarely deal with truth because you’re knee deep in battle with shadows, rather than the real issue.
The Victimized One- This fear causes you to feel there’s no way of escaping your pain.
The Stressed One- This fear causes you to feel immobilized; it cripples and criticizes you. You’re emotionally and physically affected.
The Mistaken One- This fear causes radical theft of your identity. This fear takes more than it gives. You might swear you’re too empty to possibly make any deposits into anyone else’s life. You tell yourself if you help someone else, they’ll be little or no time left to think about your problems. Left unhandled, it’ll steal the truth you already know about yourself and situations you find yourself addressing.
The Paralyzed One- This fear causes fear of taking another step and steals your joy. It alienates you from access to the truth you already know.
The Complacent One-This fear leaves us fine with being the victim & telling our story to whoever will listen. We become emotional vampires. Sucking life out of once treasured relationships. This fear tears at the core of intimacy in our relationships because we are too busy protecting ourselves, to do whatever ultimately needs to be done to preserve and/or strengthen relationships.
The Regretful One – This fear causes you to feel as though you can’t be transparent because of believing there’s too much ‘regret’ to overcome. This fear whispers, ‘why bother.’
The Isolated One- This fear causes us to be afraid to share our fear(s) with anyone else; or at least the one’s who can actually help. This fear convinces you that TRANSPARENCY is for weak people & if you’re SMART you’ll tough it out or do what you already have been doing.
I recently discovered Neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson’s book “Take The Risk.” In it, he teaches an excellent Best Case/Worst Case Scenario exercise. The bare bones of this approach, is to ask 4 key questions. They are:
-What's the best that can happen if I do this?
-What's the worst that can happen if I do this?
-What's the best that can happen if I don't do this?
-What's the worst that can happen if I don't do this?
Though these questions can be insightful when answered, yet don’t FULLY help you with application to your real life circumstance or help to determine how you will navigate past the grips of FEAR staring you in the face. I’d like to share six points, which inspire me to keep moving and to never let fear overtake me! Keep in mind, fear will come; just don’t allow it to stay.
How you and I may respond to fear
1) Surrender. Recognize you don’t know ALL the answers. Remove pride and ego from your life. Hint: pride and ego are present in the places you immediately think to hide, misrepresent issues or engage in negative self-talk to keep you from proceeding ahead.
2) Resist the tendency to blame yourself or anyone else.
3) Draw near to resources that will sustain you and create a foundation for you to flourish. This shifts your focus from the problem to the solution and/or possibility.
4) Deal with what you’re doing incorrectly. Clean up your stuff. Ex. If you have issues with someone or notice a circumstance, keeps resurfacing, get past it. Getting past "it" includes writing a letter to confess or face the issue; create a strategy to forgive or accept (them or it) and bring closure.
5) Shift your motives. Do everything from a place of humility. Recognize that everything in life isn’t about you. The best life is spent in contribution and commitment to continual learning.
6) Recognize wimpy theology, makes for a wimpy life. You have to choose to be strong and courageous even in the midst of horrific setbacks. Each time you refuse to crumble under pressure, growth occurs. As you grow, you better adapt in the handling of difficult circumstances.
This is a call to mature in faith, courage and integrity. This only occurs through being alert, aware, growing in maturity, being reliable, responsible and inter-dependent.
“Until you see fear for what it is, you’ll remain unable to get your priorities in life straight. Everything else will suffer.”
-Dr. Kasmin Boswell
Monday, March 1, 2010
Love…A New End In Mind
“Love is like a river. And it flows between the banks of truth and discernment. However when it floods and leaves those banks it becomes a dangerous thing.” - Charles Ryrie
What do you love about yourself? If you’re like most, you keep, preserve and protect aspects about yourself, which no longer serve you. You protect these aspects as trusted friends you cannot see yourself without.
Ryrie’s quote is key to each of our lives because we pursue what we love. We must become better at making decisions. Decisions navigate us to destruction or triumph. It’s time that we position ourselves like a thermostat, rather than a thermometer.
Of all of the people alive in the ENTIRE WORLD only .01% of these individuals know why they believe what they believe. This means that the majority of us live our days doing whatever we feel like doing without knowing why. For far too many of us our moral compass is no longer calibrated for strategic success. How many times have you fallen prey to “if it feels good do it” and “there’s no right or wrong” even if it means horrific consequences to countless lives.
Put your thinking cap on…
How did this love affair with self-indulgence begin and what may each of us do so that we can begin anew?
A) Determine what you value? Identify what no longer serves you and practice the theory of replacement. Replace counterproductive values with those, which serve you personally, professionally, emotionally and physically.
B) Establish realistic expectations. Don’t expect the temptations of reverting to former behavior to automatically disappear. If you valued being a workaholic, taking shortcuts, were prone to jealousy, depression, being the victim, a chronic procrastinator, et al opportunities will consistently re-emerge. You merely have to know the battles you’re in for and proactively re-align your emotions, finances, and stick to your newly formed value system until it becomes an ingrained habit.
C) Don’t expect instant change, forgiveness or reconciliation with yourself and others. Whatever you’ve done/haven’t done has REAL impact and has to be faced. So if you are obese, you won’t instantly become skinny just because of deciding you’ll no longer binge on food when you’re stressed. If you’ve treated several people in your life incorrectly, just because you apologize doesn’t mean that these individuals will instantly trust you. It is truly a process you’ll have to actively pursue and repeatedly demonstrate to others.
D) Practice The LAW of First Mention. In the legal system, it’s commonplace for attorneys to reference former cases to establish/set the standard for the case they’re bringing before the court. Essentially, gather mentors to pattern yourself after. It’s a MUST to select individuals you admire. Remain clear of anyone you resent or who’s missed their moment-a HAS BEEN. Remember you won’t learn from anyone you’re jealous of or RESENT. You’ll never give your all when harboring hidden agenda’s or if engaged in a secret competition with someone who can enrich your life (or vice versa).
E) Make it a habit to reflect upon your behavior to assure proper perspective is maintained. When you’re cognizant of the horror and pain you’ve caused within your life and in the lives of others, it enables you to remain the course with strategic OBEDIENCE! Imagine every aspect of your life being synchronized to such a degree you never find yourself living a life of defeat. Even in the midst of setbacks, you’ll quickly rebound because your discernment is synchronized enabling you to always know what to do &/or what resource to tap into. CS Lewis states this premise succinctly “when 1st things are first, 1st things aren’t suppressed and actually increase.”
F) Communicate strategically. I used to rehearse setbacks to whomever I could get to listen numerous times without getting much closer to a feasible solution. Now I practice ‘3xsharing.’ This principle allows me to share a circumstance I’m facing no more than three times. So I usually share the first time with someone who’ll empathize, the second time with a couple people simultaneously who can provide some ideas for favorable resolution and the third time with someone who can help me put my plan in working order. This ultimately enables me to resolve several challenges, which previously eluded aspects of my life.
These suggestions create and anchor-personally, professionally, emotionally and physically before engaging life’s setbacks and growth opportunities. You are officially ready to win the war within! Protect your right to WIN this peculiar thing called LIFE!
You will either be forced to live in the potential of your faith or with the consequences of your doubt.
"You are the only being in the universe that can cause defeat in your life."
- Larry Tomczak
What do you love about yourself? If you’re like most, you keep, preserve and protect aspects about yourself, which no longer serve you. You protect these aspects as trusted friends you cannot see yourself without.
Ryrie’s quote is key to each of our lives because we pursue what we love. We must become better at making decisions. Decisions navigate us to destruction or triumph. It’s time that we position ourselves like a thermostat, rather than a thermometer.
Of all of the people alive in the ENTIRE WORLD only .01% of these individuals know why they believe what they believe. This means that the majority of us live our days doing whatever we feel like doing without knowing why. For far too many of us our moral compass is no longer calibrated for strategic success. How many times have you fallen prey to “if it feels good do it” and “there’s no right or wrong” even if it means horrific consequences to countless lives.
Put your thinking cap on…
How did this love affair with self-indulgence begin and what may each of us do so that we can begin anew?
A) Determine what you value? Identify what no longer serves you and practice the theory of replacement. Replace counterproductive values with those, which serve you personally, professionally, emotionally and physically.
B) Establish realistic expectations. Don’t expect the temptations of reverting to former behavior to automatically disappear. If you valued being a workaholic, taking shortcuts, were prone to jealousy, depression, being the victim, a chronic procrastinator, et al opportunities will consistently re-emerge. You merely have to know the battles you’re in for and proactively re-align your emotions, finances, and stick to your newly formed value system until it becomes an ingrained habit.
C) Don’t expect instant change, forgiveness or reconciliation with yourself and others. Whatever you’ve done/haven’t done has REAL impact and has to be faced. So if you are obese, you won’t instantly become skinny just because of deciding you’ll no longer binge on food when you’re stressed. If you’ve treated several people in your life incorrectly, just because you apologize doesn’t mean that these individuals will instantly trust you. It is truly a process you’ll have to actively pursue and repeatedly demonstrate to others.
D) Practice The LAW of First Mention. In the legal system, it’s commonplace for attorneys to reference former cases to establish/set the standard for the case they’re bringing before the court. Essentially, gather mentors to pattern yourself after. It’s a MUST to select individuals you admire. Remain clear of anyone you resent or who’s missed their moment-a HAS BEEN. Remember you won’t learn from anyone you’re jealous of or RESENT. You’ll never give your all when harboring hidden agenda’s or if engaged in a secret competition with someone who can enrich your life (or vice versa).
E) Make it a habit to reflect upon your behavior to assure proper perspective is maintained. When you’re cognizant of the horror and pain you’ve caused within your life and in the lives of others, it enables you to remain the course with strategic OBEDIENCE! Imagine every aspect of your life being synchronized to such a degree you never find yourself living a life of defeat. Even in the midst of setbacks, you’ll quickly rebound because your discernment is synchronized enabling you to always know what to do &/or what resource to tap into. CS Lewis states this premise succinctly “when 1st things are first, 1st things aren’t suppressed and actually increase.”
F) Communicate strategically. I used to rehearse setbacks to whomever I could get to listen numerous times without getting much closer to a feasible solution. Now I practice ‘3xsharing.’ This principle allows me to share a circumstance I’m facing no more than three times. So I usually share the first time with someone who’ll empathize, the second time with a couple people simultaneously who can provide some ideas for favorable resolution and the third time with someone who can help me put my plan in working order. This ultimately enables me to resolve several challenges, which previously eluded aspects of my life.
These suggestions create and anchor-personally, professionally, emotionally and physically before engaging life’s setbacks and growth opportunities. You are officially ready to win the war within! Protect your right to WIN this peculiar thing called LIFE!
You will either be forced to live in the potential of your faith or with the consequences of your doubt.
"You are the only being in the universe that can cause defeat in your life."
- Larry Tomczak
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Are you invincible?
Invincible is defined as incapable of being overcome or defeated; unconquerable. Harry Truman, whose name is often confused with the president’s name, lived on Mount St. Helens with his family for years. Officials warned Harry that the mountain was going to erupt, however he refused to leave his residence.
Truman's unwillingness to leave the mountain had more to do with protecting his property than making a statement.
Truman was in a Catch-22 situation. Truman felt he would be able to see lava start to ooze down and a news helicopter would come in and scoop him up at the last minute preserving his life.
Nature had other ideas. The searing blast of Mount St. Helens came at 300 mph. This blast buried Truman 150 feet under the (present) lake along with his treasured pink Cadillac, 16 cats, with the lodge safe packed with over a million dollars.
"There's no way to get to it," Truman’s niece, Rosen said. "He took it all with him -- not a lot of people can say that.”
Truman’s life isn’t too different from our lives. We often tell ourselves we have time to lose the extra pounds the doctor has urged us to lose…for the past 5 years, that we really can wait to have those difficult conversations with our children and establish proper boundaries, or that we always will be given the benefit of doubt by our spouse or significant other we often neglect because we have to get that raise or corner office. We forget to get back to the basics. Never think the basics are TOO BASIC.
The truth is, nothing is promised to any of us. A certain socio-economic status, gender or race doesn’t insulate you or your possessions from loss or setbacks. The recession has caused each of us to re-think our entire existence.
Things we once thought were imperative are now things we readily pass on.
Essentially each of us require Extreme Makeovers…
These shows showcase individuals with serious physical issues that are transformed using plastic surgery, dentistry, cosmetology, and other treatments to "makeover" their appearance. The spin-off program is Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. That's where they take a home and totally convert it into a beautiful house that is completely changed by going down to the studs.
We too can have an "extreme makeover" by continually CONCURRENTLY examining our personal, professional, emotional and physical lives. Just like the contestants on these television programs, we have to give up our agenda’s, and relinquish control, if we are to receive an extreme makeover in our lives.
Do you want an extreme makeover in your life? Do you want a life filled with balance, peace, joy, abundance, proper boundaries and deliverance? Do you want your weary and arduous life to be redeemed and transformed into life anew? An extreme makeover is available to each of us by practicing discernment and adopting accountability into every aspect of your life.
This causes CHANGE, which takes place from the inside and automatically metamorphoses the outside aspects of your life.
You can’t do this in your OWN strength. Enlist your troops…It’s a battle out there!
Remain phenomenal
Truman's unwillingness to leave the mountain had more to do with protecting his property than making a statement.
Truman was in a Catch-22 situation. Truman felt he would be able to see lava start to ooze down and a news helicopter would come in and scoop him up at the last minute preserving his life.
Nature had other ideas. The searing blast of Mount St. Helens came at 300 mph. This blast buried Truman 150 feet under the (present) lake along with his treasured pink Cadillac, 16 cats, with the lodge safe packed with over a million dollars.
"There's no way to get to it," Truman’s niece, Rosen said. "He took it all with him -- not a lot of people can say that.”
Truman’s life isn’t too different from our lives. We often tell ourselves we have time to lose the extra pounds the doctor has urged us to lose…for the past 5 years, that we really can wait to have those difficult conversations with our children and establish proper boundaries, or that we always will be given the benefit of doubt by our spouse or significant other we often neglect because we have to get that raise or corner office. We forget to get back to the basics. Never think the basics are TOO BASIC.
The truth is, nothing is promised to any of us. A certain socio-economic status, gender or race doesn’t insulate you or your possessions from loss or setbacks. The recession has caused each of us to re-think our entire existence.
Things we once thought were imperative are now things we readily pass on.
Essentially each of us require Extreme Makeovers…
These shows showcase individuals with serious physical issues that are transformed using plastic surgery, dentistry, cosmetology, and other treatments to "makeover" their appearance. The spin-off program is Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. That's where they take a home and totally convert it into a beautiful house that is completely changed by going down to the studs.
We too can have an "extreme makeover" by continually CONCURRENTLY examining our personal, professional, emotional and physical lives. Just like the contestants on these television programs, we have to give up our agenda’s, and relinquish control, if we are to receive an extreme makeover in our lives.
Do you want an extreme makeover in your life? Do you want a life filled with balance, peace, joy, abundance, proper boundaries and deliverance? Do you want your weary and arduous life to be redeemed and transformed into life anew? An extreme makeover is available to each of us by practicing discernment and adopting accountability into every aspect of your life.
This causes CHANGE, which takes place from the inside and automatically metamorphoses the outside aspects of your life.
You can’t do this in your OWN strength. Enlist your troops…It’s a battle out there!
Remain phenomenal
Monday, January 11, 2010
When was your last Metamorphosis…or current hiding place?
“I want you to get excited about who you are, what you are, what you have, and what can still be for you. I want to inspire you to see that you can go far beyond where you are now.” –Virginia Satir
He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever uncovers them finds mercy and prospers. Proverbs 28:13
Have you ever played a game of hide and seek? As a child, I regularly played this game with my father. My brother and I would hide when we heard our father opening the door. My brother would hide in the identical places and would go so far as to beckon attention to the area he was hiding when my father acted as though he couldn’t find us.
I on the other hand was strategic. I made it my priority to stake out places to hide so never to be “discovered.”
Hide and seek is ok for children, yet as adults its an ENTIRELY different matter. Adults in hiding subconsciously perceive themselves as “know-it alls” or suffer from low self-esteem.
Adults in hiding have faced a series of unmet expectations, causing a paralysis of metamorphosis in an effort to ward off all future pain or disappointment. You most likely suffer from this if you either 1) think you have everyone figured out, 2) serially pre-judge others motives, or 3) love the saying “if you don’t expect anything good to happen you won’t be disappointed.”
Those who are wrestling with the residue of unmet expectations-in one or more aspects of their life have forgotten the end of a season or era, no matter how dramatic or downright wrong or cruel it may be, doesn’t mean they must cease trusting the process of life.
Left unchallenged, this individual will find themselves cynical, prone to incessantly blame others, huddle with other “victims” while judging others as inferior to them, vehemently refuse to accept any responsibility for their actions/inaction and hide from anything which remotely seeks intimacy. The worst part for this person is an unconscious inability to genuinely GIVE or RECEIVE grace-undeserved, unearned favor, forgiveness, love and kindness. This intricate tango is oxygen to any viable relationship-with oneself or otherwise.
None of us are immune!
As I was thinking of how horrible it must be to hide in anger, fear, apathy or low self-esteem it became apparent that none of us are above the game of adult hide and seek.
If every aspect of our lives isn’t continuously being examined, we inadvertently join the ranks of those who hide, cutting ourselves off from living our best life-personally, professionally, spiritually and physically.
After listening to a compelling conversation on New Years Resolutions, I composed two lists-what to do or keep doing if hiding remains an appealing option versus what’s truly necessary for those desirous to CHANGE and grow in intimacy and grace toward oneself and strategically with others.
The absolute foolproof method to experience a miserable 2010 is:
1. Worry incessantly about anything and everything i.e. aging, job security, relationships, your children, and your bodyweight.
2. Pre-occupy yourself with getting rich. i.e. fall for a too good to be true get rich scheme. Covet everything the rich and famous have; the desirable stuff only, without taking into account the hard work, the responsibility, et al of being “rich.”
3. Compare yourself to others. It’s guaranteed you’ll always come out worse because you’ll likely namely feel compelled to compare yourself with those you’ve deemed “better” than yourself.
4. Add to your list of enemies. Now you’ll have a head start on being increasingly bitter and pessimistic about life and people will definitely begin (or continue) avoiding you.
5. Set and cling to unrealistic expectations/predictions i.e. compare yourself to the rock hard abs infomercial that comes on at 2:30am in the morning using people that probably never had bodies like the 95% of the world they’re selling the machines to.
The ideal path to sustainable CHANGE 2010 and beyond is:
1. Remember everyone’ll watch you. Consistently purify your motives. People see through us, so make sure that we advertise in the storefront, that which is in the storehouse.
2. Remember you’ll encounter unreasonable situations and people. Unfair, dishonest, backward treatment will happen to even the best of us. Our human tendency is toward a desire for retribution; especially the types that no one else will see you’ve carried out.
3. Remember, you’ll have some setbacks. However daunting they may be, you must get over them.
4. Remember, you’ll require unusual patience and will need to extend unusual grace. When you do what is right and suffer for it, you’ll find favor with God and others. When you maintain a course of action during intense opposition, you will win. Remember that nothing stays the same.
5. Remember you’ll consistently need to restore your HOPE. You’ll need to make it a priority to trust in more than just yourself.
Review this list bi-weekly to keep yourself mindful of the necessity to live an authentic life. Further, enlist the support of others who will hold you accountable and enthusiastic about your goals.
No one can change or sustain momentum alone. None of us are as smart as all of us!
He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever uncovers them finds mercy and prospers. Proverbs 28:13
Have you ever played a game of hide and seek? As a child, I regularly played this game with my father. My brother and I would hide when we heard our father opening the door. My brother would hide in the identical places and would go so far as to beckon attention to the area he was hiding when my father acted as though he couldn’t find us.
I on the other hand was strategic. I made it my priority to stake out places to hide so never to be “discovered.”
Hide and seek is ok for children, yet as adults its an ENTIRELY different matter. Adults in hiding subconsciously perceive themselves as “know-it alls” or suffer from low self-esteem.
Adults in hiding have faced a series of unmet expectations, causing a paralysis of metamorphosis in an effort to ward off all future pain or disappointment. You most likely suffer from this if you either 1) think you have everyone figured out, 2) serially pre-judge others motives, or 3) love the saying “if you don’t expect anything good to happen you won’t be disappointed.”
Those who are wrestling with the residue of unmet expectations-in one or more aspects of their life have forgotten the end of a season or era, no matter how dramatic or downright wrong or cruel it may be, doesn’t mean they must cease trusting the process of life.
Left unchallenged, this individual will find themselves cynical, prone to incessantly blame others, huddle with other “victims” while judging others as inferior to them, vehemently refuse to accept any responsibility for their actions/inaction and hide from anything which remotely seeks intimacy. The worst part for this person is an unconscious inability to genuinely GIVE or RECEIVE grace-undeserved, unearned favor, forgiveness, love and kindness. This intricate tango is oxygen to any viable relationship-with oneself or otherwise.
None of us are immune!
As I was thinking of how horrible it must be to hide in anger, fear, apathy or low self-esteem it became apparent that none of us are above the game of adult hide and seek.
If every aspect of our lives isn’t continuously being examined, we inadvertently join the ranks of those who hide, cutting ourselves off from living our best life-personally, professionally, spiritually and physically.
After listening to a compelling conversation on New Years Resolutions, I composed two lists-what to do or keep doing if hiding remains an appealing option versus what’s truly necessary for those desirous to CHANGE and grow in intimacy and grace toward oneself and strategically with others.
The absolute foolproof method to experience a miserable 2010 is:
1. Worry incessantly about anything and everything i.e. aging, job security, relationships, your children, and your bodyweight.
2. Pre-occupy yourself with getting rich. i.e. fall for a too good to be true get rich scheme. Covet everything the rich and famous have; the desirable stuff only, without taking into account the hard work, the responsibility, et al of being “rich.”
3. Compare yourself to others. It’s guaranteed you’ll always come out worse because you’ll likely namely feel compelled to compare yourself with those you’ve deemed “better” than yourself.
4. Add to your list of enemies. Now you’ll have a head start on being increasingly bitter and pessimistic about life and people will definitely begin (or continue) avoiding you.
5. Set and cling to unrealistic expectations/predictions i.e. compare yourself to the rock hard abs infomercial that comes on at 2:30am in the morning using people that probably never had bodies like the 95% of the world they’re selling the machines to.
The ideal path to sustainable CHANGE 2010 and beyond is:
1. Remember everyone’ll watch you. Consistently purify your motives. People see through us, so make sure that we advertise in the storefront, that which is in the storehouse.
2. Remember you’ll encounter unreasonable situations and people. Unfair, dishonest, backward treatment will happen to even the best of us. Our human tendency is toward a desire for retribution; especially the types that no one else will see you’ve carried out.
3. Remember, you’ll have some setbacks. However daunting they may be, you must get over them.
4. Remember, you’ll require unusual patience and will need to extend unusual grace. When you do what is right and suffer for it, you’ll find favor with God and others. When you maintain a course of action during intense opposition, you will win. Remember that nothing stays the same.
5. Remember you’ll consistently need to restore your HOPE. You’ll need to make it a priority to trust in more than just yourself.
Review this list bi-weekly to keep yourself mindful of the necessity to live an authentic life. Further, enlist the support of others who will hold you accountable and enthusiastic about your goals.
No one can change or sustain momentum alone. None of us are as smart as all of us!
Friday, November 27, 2009
For Trudy...and anyone else destined for CHANGE
For Trudy
Trudy Hopkins is the epitome of the word PHENOMENAL.
Trudy is extremely supportive to anyone who crosses her path, loves unconditionally-I've never seen anyone love their husband and animals so selflessly.
Trudy never wants anything in return-except for people to be drawn to Christ by her life which she consistently offers as an example.
Each of us needs a Trudy in our lives. Even if you can't reach out to a literal person, look to these web posts for like inspiration.
Begin this journey by promising from this moment forward to consistently take inventory of the things you're grateful for, the breakthroughs you've experienced, the setbacks and your process to overcome...
As I've requested you to complete the assignment, I thought there's no better time than the present to practice what I preach....
Trudy has inspired me to grow in key ways. They are:
1) Challenging me to question my motives. To truly make certain they're Gods perfect plan rather than mines, hers or someone Else's.
2) To increase my gratitude muscle. Trudy and Tena are two of the most grateful people I know. They always put a favorable twist on the most challenging situations. I thought I had gratitude mastered until these two women emerged to constantly call me to my greatness.
3) To truly invest in marriage. NO one ever tells you BEFORE you marry the work that goes into it. They also don't tell you how the stakes dramatically raise when bonus children (aka step-children) and age differences with your spouse are involved.
4) To always make time for what matters most. I knew this already, yet it's a beautiful thing when you get to see it practiced in front of you.
5) To NEVER give up. Trudy has had her share of setbacks. She's experienced difficulty within her family, extended family, friends, acquaintances, with work, her health and now with having to recover from a stroke she had 11/19/09.
There have been lots of uphill battles, yet she always pulls herself together. Trudy knows how to exercise her childlike faith to trump whatever daunting task faces her. I have so much more materially than Trudy; yet she runs circles around me with her emotional wealth!
I know I'll get there because I now make it my priority to let people OWN their own STUFF....so Trudy watch out! I'm a quick study you know.
6) To forgive. I had some major opportunities for growth in thus area. If you're honest with yourself-we all have. It's imperative to get unforgiveness resolved or it ruins you and everything that interacts with you. I see unforgiveness like. Sludge which overtakes everything. The longer it isn't dealt with, the worse it becomes. It causes sleepless nights, excessive weight gain, vendettas, emotional withholding from the very people you should be most connected to, ruins marriages and friendships, alienates you from yourself and others, and keeps you prisoner to the past because you do everything you can to keep your guard intact.
There is a better way & it's called grace.
Grace is the divine influence upon your heart and it's reflection is made apparent in life.
Grace is necessary. Without it you'll never be gracious, unconditional and loving toward yourself.
What you can't give to yourself, you're never truly able to give to others.....
Join the CHANGE revolution and commit to forgive yourself for the past, value the present and strategiesto implement for the future using inherent strengths.
Lastly, let's pray for Trudy's complete recovery....there's several lessons left for all of us to learn from her!
To your phenomenal life,
Pen name Tatum
Trudy Hopkins is the epitome of the word PHENOMENAL.
Trudy is extremely supportive to anyone who crosses her path, loves unconditionally-I've never seen anyone love their husband and animals so selflessly.
Trudy never wants anything in return-except for people to be drawn to Christ by her life which she consistently offers as an example.
Each of us needs a Trudy in our lives. Even if you can't reach out to a literal person, look to these web posts for like inspiration.
Begin this journey by promising from this moment forward to consistently take inventory of the things you're grateful for, the breakthroughs you've experienced, the setbacks and your process to overcome...
As I've requested you to complete the assignment, I thought there's no better time than the present to practice what I preach....
Trudy has inspired me to grow in key ways. They are:
1) Challenging me to question my motives. To truly make certain they're Gods perfect plan rather than mines, hers or someone Else's.
2) To increase my gratitude muscle. Trudy and Tena are two of the most grateful people I know. They always put a favorable twist on the most challenging situations. I thought I had gratitude mastered until these two women emerged to constantly call me to my greatness.
3) To truly invest in marriage. NO one ever tells you BEFORE you marry the work that goes into it. They also don't tell you how the stakes dramatically raise when bonus children (aka step-children) and age differences with your spouse are involved.
4) To always make time for what matters most. I knew this already, yet it's a beautiful thing when you get to see it practiced in front of you.
5) To NEVER give up. Trudy has had her share of setbacks. She's experienced difficulty within her family, extended family, friends, acquaintances, with work, her health and now with having to recover from a stroke she had 11/19/09.
There have been lots of uphill battles, yet she always pulls herself together. Trudy knows how to exercise her childlike faith to trump whatever daunting task faces her. I have so much more materially than Trudy; yet she runs circles around me with her emotional wealth!
I know I'll get there because I now make it my priority to let people OWN their own STUFF....so Trudy watch out! I'm a quick study you know.
6) To forgive. I had some major opportunities for growth in thus area. If you're honest with yourself-we all have. It's imperative to get unforgiveness resolved or it ruins you and everything that interacts with you. I see unforgiveness like. Sludge which overtakes everything. The longer it isn't dealt with, the worse it becomes. It causes sleepless nights, excessive weight gain, vendettas, emotional withholding from the very people you should be most connected to, ruins marriages and friendships, alienates you from yourself and others, and keeps you prisoner to the past because you do everything you can to keep your guard intact.
There is a better way & it's called grace.
Grace is the divine influence upon your heart and it's reflection is made apparent in life.
Grace is necessary. Without it you'll never be gracious, unconditional and loving toward yourself.
What you can't give to yourself, you're never truly able to give to others.....
Join the CHANGE revolution and commit to forgive yourself for the past, value the present and strategiesto implement for the future using inherent strengths.
Lastly, let's pray for Trudy's complete recovery....there's several lessons left for all of us to learn from her!
To your phenomenal life,
Pen name Tatum
Your Biggest LIFE Problem
Immediate stress relief is on the way. You don't have to wait for years to change and relive the stress in your life. Finally you and I can overcome depression, difficulty and anxiety.
Aspects of my life and so many others have been derailed lately. Maybe yours is due to finances, a relationship, or workplace issues.
Whatever the source, our biggest problem isn't talent or know how to resolve our most pressing difficulties.
It's actually the discipline to persevere, work strategically and consistently follow directions.
In the midst of persecution and mounting difficulty it's often hardest to stay the course.
You're not alone....
I got to asking myself why this occurs and what can be done to turn around our prognosis?
I began by sitting still, reflecting on what I already know and how it might be applied to the situation's currently on the windshield of my life. Here's what I discovered:
1) Remember you're never alone. At this very moment, there are numerous individuals dealing with challenges; to prevail you must do more of what you know to do without any hesitation...or at the very least get back on the recovery wagon sooner than the time before.
2) Remember to celebrate small wins. There's something I do correctly on a daily basis. When I shift my focus things change-there's a small window that emerges where I can consciously choose to re-define my mindset, an opportunity to determine what step or steps I may initiate which will get me closer to my expected end.
3) Remember how much work I've already done and accomplished toward the acquisition of my goal that I find myself stressing about. For example "This trying time has actually provided the opportunity to press into my faith at a more concrete level than I have in the past; it's provided the opportunity to practice what I preach to others and myself when I'm feeling at my best."
4) Remember my innate ability to see the big picture. I know how to clearly see through to the core of things. It's a gifting I continually develop by remaining teachable, praying in a manner that its a constant conversation, practicing theories I come up with or discover from others on myself before requiring others to join in and making adjustments as necessary. *something profound happens when we take even the smallest step toward CHANGE.
So now that you get the picture, let me challenge you to do the same in your life. Identify a circumstance that is CURRENTLY robbing you of JOY and define some concrete gifts within arms reach that can help you craft a feasible resolution.
If you're silently thinking life is hopeless and change illudes you, think about turning to the Internet. You can type a question or phrases into a search engine and within seconds all sorts of information pops up.
I do this often because I believe none of us are smarter than all of us. Some of the insight is wacky, so I quickly scan the next search engine result until I find something which personally resonates. Sometimes that concludes my search and I'll begin digesting the information; other times it leads me to a deeper search on a particular matter until I can find a place to properly camp out and learn.
I cut and paste things I locate into a Word document and print it out. I review the document over and over until I realize every discovery it can provide to my particular circumstance.
I then play with it in my real life. For instance, I'll teach it to someone else. If my approach isn't flawless, it immediately provides a short list of new objectives to place my focus to master the intended goal.
Another thing I do is go through the process identified at the beginning of this post-most importantly illiciting the help of others more knowledgable than I in a particular area or horrendously worse off than I to make certain I'm developing the proper skill-set.
Lastly put yourself on the hook for accountability. You and I solely change because of going through the tough process of revising patterns that have become comfortable, although not working particularly well for the intended destination where your and my life is waiting!
Remember the way out is Through. If you want change, you have to do some changing.
Share your setbacks, triumphs and permanent change with all of us. The Internet is waiting for your wisdom.
To your best life,
Penname Tatum
Aspects of my life and so many others have been derailed lately. Maybe yours is due to finances, a relationship, or workplace issues.
Whatever the source, our biggest problem isn't talent or know how to resolve our most pressing difficulties.
It's actually the discipline to persevere, work strategically and consistently follow directions.
In the midst of persecution and mounting difficulty it's often hardest to stay the course.
You're not alone....
I got to asking myself why this occurs and what can be done to turn around our prognosis?
I began by sitting still, reflecting on what I already know and how it might be applied to the situation's currently on the windshield of my life. Here's what I discovered:
1) Remember you're never alone. At this very moment, there are numerous individuals dealing with challenges; to prevail you must do more of what you know to do without any hesitation...or at the very least get back on the recovery wagon sooner than the time before.
2) Remember to celebrate small wins. There's something I do correctly on a daily basis. When I shift my focus things change-there's a small window that emerges where I can consciously choose to re-define my mindset, an opportunity to determine what step or steps I may initiate which will get me closer to my expected end.
3) Remember how much work I've already done and accomplished toward the acquisition of my goal that I find myself stressing about. For example "This trying time has actually provided the opportunity to press into my faith at a more concrete level than I have in the past; it's provided the opportunity to practice what I preach to others and myself when I'm feeling at my best."
4) Remember my innate ability to see the big picture. I know how to clearly see through to the core of things. It's a gifting I continually develop by remaining teachable, praying in a manner that its a constant conversation, practicing theories I come up with or discover from others on myself before requiring others to join in and making adjustments as necessary. *something profound happens when we take even the smallest step toward CHANGE.
So now that you get the picture, let me challenge you to do the same in your life. Identify a circumstance that is CURRENTLY robbing you of JOY and define some concrete gifts within arms reach that can help you craft a feasible resolution.
If you're silently thinking life is hopeless and change illudes you, think about turning to the Internet. You can type a question or phrases into a search engine and within seconds all sorts of information pops up.
I do this often because I believe none of us are smarter than all of us. Some of the insight is wacky, so I quickly scan the next search engine result until I find something which personally resonates. Sometimes that concludes my search and I'll begin digesting the information; other times it leads me to a deeper search on a particular matter until I can find a place to properly camp out and learn.
I cut and paste things I locate into a Word document and print it out. I review the document over and over until I realize every discovery it can provide to my particular circumstance.
I then play with it in my real life. For instance, I'll teach it to someone else. If my approach isn't flawless, it immediately provides a short list of new objectives to place my focus to master the intended goal.
Another thing I do is go through the process identified at the beginning of this post-most importantly illiciting the help of others more knowledgable than I in a particular area or horrendously worse off than I to make certain I'm developing the proper skill-set.
Lastly put yourself on the hook for accountability. You and I solely change because of going through the tough process of revising patterns that have become comfortable, although not working particularly well for the intended destination where your and my life is waiting!
Remember the way out is Through. If you want change, you have to do some changing.
Share your setbacks, triumphs and permanent change with all of us. The Internet is waiting for your wisdom.
To your best life,
Penname Tatum
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Are you playing the score of a lifetime with what you have left?
In 1995, Violinist Izhak Perlman performed at the Lincoln Center in NYC. Perlman was stricken with polio as a child, so he has braces on both legs & walks with the aid of two crutches-very slowly.
The most remarkable thing happened that night. Just as Perlman completed the first few bars of his performance, one of the strings on his violin broke. The audience gasped & began silently lamenting mostly about the long wait they’d just endured watching Perlman hobble across the stage to perform. Now what would happen?
The unthinkable occurred…Perlman used the three strings he had left and played the most exquisite score, even going so far as to create new sounds never heard from a violin.
After the breathtaking performance, the audience went into a massive pandemonium of cheering, yelling and utter astonishment over being able to witness firsthand, the unthinkable being done.
Perlman smiled and while wiping the sweat from his brow humbly stated “You know, sometimes it is the artist’s task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left.”
This is the task facing each of us today & for the rest of our lives. In the midst of uncertainty, we literally are forced to RE-THINK every aspect of our lives. Nothing is sacred. Nothing can be overlooked, ignored or forgotten as far too much is at stake for doing so.
Now is the time to clearly identify what you have & use it to acquire the life you envision for yourself. You & I must use what we do well as the bargaining tool to craft the masterpiece entitled life!
But how, when so many unimaginable things have happened?
It begins with changing your perspective. Perspective is very powerful because it dictates your emotions. If you look at the world from a selfish &/or defeated perspective, you will see the world through the lenses of “Look what ______ is doing to me! “You can’t trust anyone. They’re all out to get me.”
So let’s work together & defend the beachhead of your inherent strengths by learning to convert your challenges into growth opportunities.
Answer the following questions:
1) What are two things that you do well? What two things do people admire you for & wish they could implement in their lives?
2) What two things do you stress most about?
3) When & how do you get relief? Really think about this step. By noticing the exceptions-those places where you get PEACE, you can make those exceptions more accessible to the parts of your life that are most challenging.
4) Now list those exceptions (the way you get to the solutions & take the 1st week and practice implementing what works for you. Take the 2nd week to work out the kinks. Take the 3rd week to celebrate your new established HABIT.) Exception examples are “I notice I don’t get as upset when I focus on _____or do_____.” “I see that I’m not stressed when I respond to _______ this way? “I notice I’m better after _____.”
5) Promise yourself, in advance, to consistently check in to determine “whether you’re supporting myself as best you can?” “Is there something else that you need & how you might go about getting it.” “Where will you begin?”
The bottom-line…
Life inevitably throws each of us a series of setbacks. The difference maker is how we CHOOSE to respond over & over & over and over AGAIN. As you choose to respond differently, you’ll teach yourself to convert challenges into growth opportunities. This mindset and behavior will allow you to remain confident, courageous and phenomenal!
Now you’re another step closer to fulfilling your hearts desires!
The most remarkable thing happened that night. Just as Perlman completed the first few bars of his performance, one of the strings on his violin broke. The audience gasped & began silently lamenting mostly about the long wait they’d just endured watching Perlman hobble across the stage to perform. Now what would happen?
The unthinkable occurred…Perlman used the three strings he had left and played the most exquisite score, even going so far as to create new sounds never heard from a violin.
After the breathtaking performance, the audience went into a massive pandemonium of cheering, yelling and utter astonishment over being able to witness firsthand, the unthinkable being done.
Perlman smiled and while wiping the sweat from his brow humbly stated “You know, sometimes it is the artist’s task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left.”
This is the task facing each of us today & for the rest of our lives. In the midst of uncertainty, we literally are forced to RE-THINK every aspect of our lives. Nothing is sacred. Nothing can be overlooked, ignored or forgotten as far too much is at stake for doing so.
Now is the time to clearly identify what you have & use it to acquire the life you envision for yourself. You & I must use what we do well as the bargaining tool to craft the masterpiece entitled life!
But how, when so many unimaginable things have happened?
It begins with changing your perspective. Perspective is very powerful because it dictates your emotions. If you look at the world from a selfish &/or defeated perspective, you will see the world through the lenses of “Look what ______ is doing to me! “You can’t trust anyone. They’re all out to get me.”
So let’s work together & defend the beachhead of your inherent strengths by learning to convert your challenges into growth opportunities.
Answer the following questions:
1) What are two things that you do well? What two things do people admire you for & wish they could implement in their lives?
2) What two things do you stress most about?
3) When & how do you get relief? Really think about this step. By noticing the exceptions-those places where you get PEACE, you can make those exceptions more accessible to the parts of your life that are most challenging.
4) Now list those exceptions (the way you get to the solutions & take the 1st week and practice implementing what works for you. Take the 2nd week to work out the kinks. Take the 3rd week to celebrate your new established HABIT.) Exception examples are “I notice I don’t get as upset when I focus on _____or do_____.” “I see that I’m not stressed when I respond to _______ this way? “I notice I’m better after _____.”
5) Promise yourself, in advance, to consistently check in to determine “whether you’re supporting myself as best you can?” “Is there something else that you need & how you might go about getting it.” “Where will you begin?”
The bottom-line…
Life inevitably throws each of us a series of setbacks. The difference maker is how we CHOOSE to respond over & over & over and over AGAIN. As you choose to respond differently, you’ll teach yourself to convert challenges into growth opportunities. This mindset and behavior will allow you to remain confident, courageous and phenomenal!
Now you’re another step closer to fulfilling your hearts desires!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Change...Why Is it so difficult?
Forgiveness is free. Grace is expensive.
The very thing you hold onto to keep doing things "your way" is the very thing that keeps you from realizing your full potential.
Why do you believe you can't CHANGE a certain aspect of your life, no matter how hard you try? What is it that you know if you KNEW it for sure, would permanently CHANGE your life?
If you're like me, understanding something in your mind and making it change the way you live, sometimes takes longer than I can imagine. I've learned the process is much more cumbersome than just changing my mind.
Rather, it's the result of my initial decision to CHANGE & willingly making successive choices to remain on task until obtaining the desire sought. This willingness is tested by your response to 1) difficulty, 2) desire, 3) direction, & 4) joy.
BUT IT ISN'T EASY!
Sure you and I have ability. Yes we're smart. We think we're smarter than we really are. We know so much, however we have such minute coping skills to get us past "our stuff." But how can this be so? The more I learn, the more I realize I don't know.
This got me to thinking about how much better my life would be if I would promise to make a "I don't know list" before entering uncharted territory toward whatever goal I target to permanently CHANGE.
I decided to test this premise in my life and provide you with the navigational coordinates which will get you past those deep, internal wounds that keep you on the sidelines of life. No more band-aids for me!
The subject I challenged myself to CHANGE was perfecting my love walk. WOW, this was a huge undertaking, because I'm a self professed amazing, loving person. I immediately began to reflect on all of the loving things I do, say & think; how I'm such a wonderful & supportive person.
So after I finished feasting on my fully developed pride & ego, this little voice began challenging me to go deeper; to get past the nice stuff that keeps me SATISFIED, yet STUCK.
This voice helped to reveal the following I don't knows...so I could go & finally be at peace (professionally, emotionally, relationally & physically):
1) I don't know all there is to know about forgiveness. I'm ignorant about what it takes to win this battle.
2) I don't know many people who've successfully forgiven others.
3) I don't know many people who see much wrong with being unforgiving.
4) I don't know how to ALWAYS remember the benefits of forgiveness when in the middle of reliving "what was done or is being done to me by ________________."
5) I didn't realize that the reason my love is flawed toward people & certain situations is because I hadn't slain the giants of my past. How could I change when I didn't know how to reconcile the past wrongs done to me by people I no longer see or speak to?
6) I don't know how to stop being perpetually uneasy, worried and anxious about my life. I'm so wonderfully processed in certain areas of my life & so perplexed in other areas...I'm certain my husband & closest friends see with relative ease.
7) I didn't know the more I worry about what I don't know, the more time I lose focus on cultivating the ability to stop worrying
about what I cannot change; That I have to become committed to eradicating arrogance in my life. Nothing positive can come from worrying about the changes I wish I knew how to change.
Change only happens when I make a SHIFT in my behavior- where I choose to invest my time & thoughts.
8) I didn't understand ruptured relationships had affected me so deeply because I just covered up the emotional wounds with
busyness, people pleasing & telling myself to just get over it. This was nothing more than a band aid.
So you get the picture. I allowed myself 15 minutes to complete this exercise. I wrote down the most honest thoughts. Do this quickly before you begin to worry, feel worse than better about this area of life, & could make up some excuse which would allow you to get some false comfort enabling you to remain SATISFIED, yet STUCK.
Remember, honesty comes quickly! The longer you take to complete the exercise, the further entrenched you'll become in your issues. It's time each of us see our needs, grasp our innate value & see everyone as worthy of your intentionality. The economic downturn we are facing challenges us to think about what matters most & eradicate what doesn't.
NO LONGER BLINDED WITH PRIDE!
So equipped with my list I set out to tackle these vices & eliminate them completely.
The first step toward my escape was to IDENTIFY what makes me weak & susceptible to unforgiving, anxiety &/or becoming fearful, in certain instances, while not in others? I did this step so I could stop being ignorant/blindsided by assumptions. Many of my challenges have been resolved because I NOW know the when, where, who, what & how I get myself into challenges with unforgiving which leads to a compromised loving of others.
The second step is pre-planning avoidance. I plan by design over default. I have to get intentional about the changes I desire to make to keep myself free of arrogance & self-sabotage. When pre-planning avoidance, I remain cognizant of the role self-talk, & interaction with others play.
STOP ASSUMING ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE!
The third step is learning to ask for help! This steps the most challenging because people count on me & look to me as their resource...so where does this leave me to turn? So I turned to the Internet so I would know exactly where my focus should be when I did speak to one of my friends, family, counselor, or even a well intentioned stranger. I did exhaustive FOCUSED searches on "choosing joy," "prayer," "unconditional forgiveness," "learning to think in ways that are helpful for me," "forgiveness superstars," "how to permanently forgive," " grace & heart transformation," "why forgiveness is so difficult," "why me," et al.
This step was extremely important & enabled me to candidly speak to others about the challenges in my life. This focused intentionality allowed me to become aware of the envy, jealousy, fear, worry, loneliness, anxiety, frustration, & mistreatment that was dormant in certain aspects of my life.
The fourth step cements the process of CHANGE together. It builds accountability into your life in a way that shifts attention & consistently has defaults which re-calibrate your life. Its imperative that you and I are the most effective beings humanly possible.
What you & I refuse to face, literally has us by the balls (so to speak). Let me prove this point quickly. Just think about something you hate. Ok now STOP. Did you stop, or are you still thinking about it/struggling not to think about it? The more you think about something, the more it upsets you; before you know it, this is all you're thinking about!
We all need a road map!
This proves the key to change is to focus on something else & promise yourself, to no longer embark toward change alone! You need people I like to call "wise traveling companions" who will support you in the process of change. You also need resources-text message reminders, intentional & highly focused thought cards, written statements which embed your brain with permanent CHANGE! Always keep reminders of your targets on the dashboard of your mind!
Become the serotonin you need to put everything to bed that no longer serves you!
To your best life! You're more phenomenal than you think. More powerful than you know. If I can change, so can you! Transform yourself and your relationships.
Please post your comments & share your process of change. Lets each show up to the campfire with our log (for explanation, see prior post).
The very thing you hold onto to keep doing things "your way" is the very thing that keeps you from realizing your full potential.
Why do you believe you can't CHANGE a certain aspect of your life, no matter how hard you try? What is it that you know if you KNEW it for sure, would permanently CHANGE your life?
If you're like me, understanding something in your mind and making it change the way you live, sometimes takes longer than I can imagine. I've learned the process is much more cumbersome than just changing my mind.
Rather, it's the result of my initial decision to CHANGE & willingly making successive choices to remain on task until obtaining the desire sought. This willingness is tested by your response to 1) difficulty, 2) desire, 3) direction, & 4) joy.
BUT IT ISN'T EASY!
Sure you and I have ability. Yes we're smart. We think we're smarter than we really are. We know so much, however we have such minute coping skills to get us past "our stuff." But how can this be so? The more I learn, the more I realize I don't know.
This got me to thinking about how much better my life would be if I would promise to make a "I don't know list" before entering uncharted territory toward whatever goal I target to permanently CHANGE.
I decided to test this premise in my life and provide you with the navigational coordinates which will get you past those deep, internal wounds that keep you on the sidelines of life. No more band-aids for me!
The subject I challenged myself to CHANGE was perfecting my love walk. WOW, this was a huge undertaking, because I'm a self professed amazing, loving person. I immediately began to reflect on all of the loving things I do, say & think; how I'm such a wonderful & supportive person.
So after I finished feasting on my fully developed pride & ego, this little voice began challenging me to go deeper; to get past the nice stuff that keeps me SATISFIED, yet STUCK.
This voice helped to reveal the following I don't knows...so I could go & finally be at peace (professionally, emotionally, relationally & physically):
1) I don't know all there is to know about forgiveness. I'm ignorant about what it takes to win this battle.
2) I don't know many people who've successfully forgiven others.
3) I don't know many people who see much wrong with being unforgiving.
4) I don't know how to ALWAYS remember the benefits of forgiveness when in the middle of reliving "what was done or is being done to me by ________________."
5) I didn't realize that the reason my love is flawed toward people & certain situations is because I hadn't slain the giants of my past. How could I change when I didn't know how to reconcile the past wrongs done to me by people I no longer see or speak to?
6) I don't know how to stop being perpetually uneasy, worried and anxious about my life. I'm so wonderfully processed in certain areas of my life & so perplexed in other areas...I'm certain my husband & closest friends see with relative ease.
7) I didn't know the more I worry about what I don't know, the more time I lose focus on cultivating the ability to stop worrying
about what I cannot change; That I have to become committed to eradicating arrogance in my life. Nothing positive can come from worrying about the changes I wish I knew how to change.
Change only happens when I make a SHIFT in my behavior- where I choose to invest my time & thoughts.
8) I didn't understand ruptured relationships had affected me so deeply because I just covered up the emotional wounds with
busyness, people pleasing & telling myself to just get over it. This was nothing more than a band aid.
So you get the picture. I allowed myself 15 minutes to complete this exercise. I wrote down the most honest thoughts. Do this quickly before you begin to worry, feel worse than better about this area of life, & could make up some excuse which would allow you to get some false comfort enabling you to remain SATISFIED, yet STUCK.
Remember, honesty comes quickly! The longer you take to complete the exercise, the further entrenched you'll become in your issues. It's time each of us see our needs, grasp our innate value & see everyone as worthy of your intentionality. The economic downturn we are facing challenges us to think about what matters most & eradicate what doesn't.
NO LONGER BLINDED WITH PRIDE!
So equipped with my list I set out to tackle these vices & eliminate them completely.
The first step toward my escape was to IDENTIFY what makes me weak & susceptible to unforgiving, anxiety &/or becoming fearful, in certain instances, while not in others? I did this step so I could stop being ignorant/blindsided by assumptions. Many of my challenges have been resolved because I NOW know the when, where, who, what & how I get myself into challenges with unforgiving which leads to a compromised loving of others.
The second step is pre-planning avoidance. I plan by design over default. I have to get intentional about the changes I desire to make to keep myself free of arrogance & self-sabotage. When pre-planning avoidance, I remain cognizant of the role self-talk, & interaction with others play.
STOP ASSUMING ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE!
The third step is learning to ask for help! This steps the most challenging because people count on me & look to me as their resource...so where does this leave me to turn? So I turned to the Internet so I would know exactly where my focus should be when I did speak to one of my friends, family, counselor, or even a well intentioned stranger. I did exhaustive FOCUSED searches on "choosing joy," "prayer," "unconditional forgiveness," "learning to think in ways that are helpful for me," "forgiveness superstars," "how to permanently forgive," " grace & heart transformation," "why forgiveness is so difficult," "why me," et al.
This step was extremely important & enabled me to candidly speak to others about the challenges in my life. This focused intentionality allowed me to become aware of the envy, jealousy, fear, worry, loneliness, anxiety, frustration, & mistreatment that was dormant in certain aspects of my life.
The fourth step cements the process of CHANGE together. It builds accountability into your life in a way that shifts attention & consistently has defaults which re-calibrate your life. Its imperative that you and I are the most effective beings humanly possible.
What you & I refuse to face, literally has us by the balls (so to speak). Let me prove this point quickly. Just think about something you hate. Ok now STOP. Did you stop, or are you still thinking about it/struggling not to think about it? The more you think about something, the more it upsets you; before you know it, this is all you're thinking about!
We all need a road map!
This proves the key to change is to focus on something else & promise yourself, to no longer embark toward change alone! You need people I like to call "wise traveling companions" who will support you in the process of change. You also need resources-text message reminders, intentional & highly focused thought cards, written statements which embed your brain with permanent CHANGE! Always keep reminders of your targets on the dashboard of your mind!
Become the serotonin you need to put everything to bed that no longer serves you!
To your best life! You're more phenomenal than you think. More powerful than you know. If I can change, so can you! Transform yourself and your relationships.
Please post your comments & share your process of change. Lets each show up to the campfire with our log (for explanation, see prior post).
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Where Do You Huddle?
Where do you huddle?
I recently attended Willowcreek Leadership Conference 8/6/2009-8/7/2009. One of the presenters discussed the ways we remain stuck. Collectively, this mindset leads us to the phenomenon of always learning, yet never applying; overcommitting with little follow-up and a life which feels pretty insignificant.
The consensus of the internet, the marketplace & authorities on life change is to CHANGE.
BUT HOW.......because it's easier SAID than actually done!
If you're like me, you really want to change your life, however start and somehow get stuck, or lost, or promise to begin again each day...however don't.
Or maybe you set the goal to lose the weight & lost it, yet your personal and/or professional life is in ruin and you can't understand why.
Each of us will ultimately wrestle with something, yet needn't be defeated by it. Most people who achieve things which appear majestic to us mere mortals are the result of
1) Proceeding past the fear which presented at the moment.
2) Breaking challenging tasks into achievable steps.
3) Refusing to be paralyzed by analysis.
This blog spot is my COURAGEOUS step toward getting out of the "I have to wait to share my gifting with the world until I have a major multimedia deal, am on every retailer shelf around the world and a regular guest on Oprah..." huddle.
Even without any of these deals manifested yet, I've been entrusted with the ability to architect an individuals life-personally, professionally, emotionally & physically.
I'm living proof that we can overcome our obstacles by courageously taking the first step & knowing in your gut that the next guidance will soon arrive.
David Gergen, CNN Political Analyst, stated each of us are invited to the campfire of life. We are free to get warm and visit as much as we want, however we are expected to bring a log to keep the fire going. I see the log as our life purpose or unique gifting that no one else in the world can do like you do!
Now each of have a place where we can share our lives honestly & be equipped with ideas to live our best life.
Will you join me on this journey?
I'm committed to post at least one time per week, however as the conversation increases, I see myself blogging and responding to comments multiple times per day.
The first CN1440 thought I'd like you to ponder and share with fellow bloggers:
QUESTION
"What's the #1 thing standing in your way to having the life you envision? What have you done that's working and when will you do it again? What's your accountability strategy?"
RESPONSE
Overcoming setbacks quicker. What works is that I'm a consummate learner. I consistently learn things and figure out ways it'll work in my life as well as in the lives of countless others. My accountability strategy is promising myself to "stop forgetting to remember."
DO IT NOW STEP
To help me keep this process front & center for my life, I made a list of what I don't like, what I prefer & the ways I restore myself when setbacks happen.
It's the ultimate way to prepare for war in times of peace....
Share yours,
Tatum
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