How much do you, Bristlecone Pine Trees & Radicalis have in common?

“Into every life, some rain must fall.”

—Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 1842


Bristlecone trees, like human beings have been through all sorts of storms. Bristlecone trees are sustained because its nature adapts. The very hardships it must adapt to cultivate trees so beautiful and so ancient they surpass the majestic Giant Sequoia of the Sierra by more than a millennium. Bristlecone roots run so deep that it isn’t moved by anything.

These trees look dead, yet are very much alive. They are the oldest trees on the earth-about 4,000 years old. Nothing can uproot it or shake its foundation!

After witnessing the Bristlecone Tree firsthand I got to thinking about the aspects of my life where my roots go deep like the Bristlecone and those where my roots are shallow and roll like the infamous tumbleweeds.

The places of my life with Bristlecone depth include: my treasured relationships with others; my persistence concerning a project that’s near and dear to my heart and my relationship with myself: a constant willingness to self-analyze, relearn and regroup.

I soon discovered, the other places of my life weren't the depth previously calculated. Aspects of it feel like they’re blowing away or are being partially swept away by remnants of a tsunami.

Purposing to convert the challenges, which presented into a growth opportunity, I pledged to ask myself what’s standing in my way and what’s next?

What’s STANDING in the way?
The question, which kept encircling my mind, was why there were aspects of my life where I felt I was always learning; yet NEVER coming into the KNOWLEDGE of those truths?

I honestly thought I was stronger than I was. The very areas taken for granted in passive reflection as inherent strengths, I couldn’t write down as Bristlecone deep. For example, I thought I’d mastered the area of not taking things personally-yet over the past two year’s, my life had been ambushed by several situations where my character was attacked…. and it hurt!

Yes I’ve rebounded from much of it, yet there’s this lingering stuff that raises its evil head just when I’m ready to emerge as this healed-whole person that’s well able to look past the pettiness of a few mean spirited individuals and circumstances.

The places where I find myself stuck are those where my memories of the past are more vivid than my future.

The balance of this blog entry will focus on what you and I require to withstand whatever is thrown at us.

What’s NEXT?
I scoured the Internet, my personal and professional resources to tackle the emotions I was experiencing. The targeted outcome was to ingrain forgiveness in my soul and increase resiliency...as I became crystal clear that additional challenges will arise as my life emerges to new heights.

I discovered something profound, yet meaningful from Virginia Smith Harvey, PhD, NCSP. Harvey indicated, “It is neither possible nor appropriate for forgiveness to occur while the harm is still occurring. For example, a person who is being abused should not try to forgive the offender while the abuse is still occurring. But later, forgiving increases well-being and improves interpersonal relations. In forgiving, an injured person can develop empathy and come to understand even an abuser’s needs and motives. Empathy can enable a person to accept imperfections in all people, including themselves. Forgiving persons choose to experience, appropriately express, and then let go of negative feelings of anger, guilt, and retaliation. All of these responses increase future resiliency.”

Here was my answer. I was actually more resilient than I’d been giving myself credit for, in terms of the character and circumstance attacks I’d endured. I merely needed a NON BIASED voice of reason to clarify things for me.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t being inappropriate or unforgiving; rather I am & was (yes all at the same time) in the midst of a metaphoric Perfect Storm and wasn’t being offered a mercy/apologetic amends raft by my would be accusers, character assassins & circumstances that had occurred beyond my control!

Bottom-line:
My new objective is to control the controllables. This begins and ends with m-y-s-e-l-f! In controlling my responses, I better grasp the resilience already in my personal, professional, emotional & physical arsenal to appropriately and quickly deal with anxiety, anger, or depression that can result from the ongoing adversity, I’ve been/am subject to.

The second benefit of this behavior modification is it enables me during times of peace, self-encouragement, as well as pre-establish a series of realistic and manageable goals aka boundaries. For instance, in times of pondering solutions with difficult people/circumstances, I can preface interactions by providing a consistent structure and clear expectations; that is, expressing what behavior(s) are acceptable for interactions with me regarding “________”, and what behavior(s) are not acceptable regarding “________”.


But! It’s too hard….

Nothing is too hard unless you believe it is. Yes it will be difficult to establish changes in your life, yet not impossible. The true culprit that stops you and I if we aren’t diligent and clear about the outcome we’re seeking is FRUSTRATION & HOPELESSNESS.

Hope is the oxygen of your & my soul. However, everywhere we turn we now see the downfall of the economy, tragedies, and strained relationships-many feel very HOPELESS.

Frustration is an enemy to knowledge because it ‘s faith functioning without hope.
"Hope is the blueprint of faith." When hope is lost, your faith loses its aim. You no longer have a mission to accomplish. Rather, you scatter efforts uselessly in every direction.
Expectation in Greek means the happy anticipation of good, eager longing, strained expectancy, watching with an outstretched head, and abstraction from anything else that might engage the attention. 


Hope is regained when you take your idealized end point, keep it before your eyes and in your ears until you’ve built an image inside you. Hope cannot be penetrated when you cannot see yourself without whatever it is that you endeavor to have, become or see manifested.
You know you’re on the right track when you become so tuned in to what you envision, that you can’t think about anything else. 

People may try to have a conversation with you and you’ll always end up talking about your hope/expected endpoint.
When your hope gets that strong, it doesn't matter what kind of unbelief people and life circumstances tries to throw your way, it’ll just bounce off you. You're so one-track-minded; you can't be drawn off course.

Remember HOPE is birthed in the heart & mind, activated through the mouth, followed by corresponding action-after you speak something, you have to do something!
It’s fed by gaining and acting on the knowledge gained.

The litmus test… When knowledge is received, you act upon it like advice received from your pharmacist, doctor, lawyer or trusted friend.

When will you act upon this insight contained in this blog? I’ve already got my 3x5 card of advice offered by Virginia Smith Harvey, PhD, NCSP. I’ll refer to it when I’m tempted to beat myself up over something I shouldn’t.

To your greatness,

Tatum

When I come to the place of personal responsibility, I'm close to breakthrough!

You cannot let people who don’t want what you do tell you how to act or respond!

We have to be willing to ask ourselves the DIFFICULT QUESTIONS. Without facing ourselves, we cannot change the situations, which consistently cause us debilitating frustration. We have to get to the place where we GET enough information to finally address the issues, which keep us from changing.
If you & I are honest with ourselves, it’s the identical issues, that cause the identical setbacks.
During a conversation with my great friend Cindy, I was approached about fasting on the Day of Atonement: Yom Kippur.
Known as the Day of Atonement the 25-hour period of fasting and intensive prayer will begin at sundown this Sunday (9/27/09) and will last until sundown Monday (9/28/09) evening.

Two holy candles are blessed and then lit, signaling the beginning of Yom Kippur 9/27/09. Once this has been done, there is no more eating or drinking, no bathing, no using creams and oils, no wearing of leather shoes, and no sexual relations.
Even Jews who do not observe any other Jewish custom will refrain from work, fast and attend synagogue services on this day. This is considered the Day of Judgment, a day to practice repentance, say prayers and give charity in an effort to receive God’s forgiveness for all sins made in the past year.
My choosing to follow Yom Kippur this 9/27/09 got me thinking about our world’s great need for personal, professional, emotional, relational and physical re-calibration of our lives.
This definite commitment causes us to practice principles, enabling us to become one with them.

This sounds so amazing and life changing, yet how does it exactly occur?

Feelings are never going to go away. We don’t have to follow our feelings; we can manage them. There’s this uncanny process which we all succumb to. It is my actions...beliefs...behaviors...consequences which create cycles in my life. I get so consumed (consciously and subconsciously) that whatever I’ve fed takes center stage of my life. Our greatest times of growth are when we do what’s right, when we FEEL wrong…. this sucks; yet it’s the truth for all of us.

The life empowerment exercise I immediately set out to accomplish centered on identifying what I was feeding subconsciously and consciously in various aspects of my life. This is my list:

1) Tradition. I was pre-occupied with wanting things to be a certain idealized way in my marriage & in my professional relationship with one gentleman in particular. The reality is that the idealized marriage I envisioned myself to be apart of didn’t have someone who’d been previously married. It didn’t include anyone who’d been hurt or driven to despair of some sort, causing unyielding mistrust. My working relationships didn’t include an individual who would consider him or herself, before everyone ELSE no matter what. I dreamt up someone who would travail for those they work with; that they’d be this servant-leader that was persuaded to live the ideals they share in corporate emails & during motivational speeches made in the presence of other executives.
2) PROFOUND Sadness & despair. I have wrestled with grief over my relationship with my bonus child and my blended extended family unit. I walked into the 10th act of a horror novel. Everything looked so shiny at the onset. Yes, finally I’d have that big family I never had with unconditional loving well adjusted people who had no issues…WRONG. Rather, the main characters were so adept at “their way” of doing things, & everyone walked with a limp that I shined the light upon. It was the most melodic perfect & worst thing that could simultaneously occur in all of our lives.
3) Trust. Trust that everything could finally stabilize in my life. That all of the crooked places of my existence would be made straight. That everything that I’ve worked to manifest in every aspect of my life could finally take center stage & delightfully be.
4) Celebration. Celebration of all of the RIGHT things I did and am doing got moved to the background of my life. Somehow the first three issues I recounted in this blog sideswiped my life. These successes indeed need celebration and gratitude because they are indeed life changing and serve as the infrastructure of the imminent life-change in store for my and the worlds life as we know it. The way of doing, thinking, feeling and believing will be CHANGED…all because of my being a willing vessel & learning to practice what I preach…in the midst of victory, setback, anxiety, frustration, extreme sadness, pressure, uncertainty, pain, profound loneliness & isolation et al.

Ultimately each of us needs to understand what’s appropriate and inappropriate for our lives.

But how do we turn things around when our THERE seems so FAR away?

To modify things, you & I have to see things differently. We have to begin by making a quality decision to never allow others who don’t want what WE want to be at their mercy.

This is the heart of what atonement is all about. Atonement is calling each of us to RE-THINK every aspect of our lives. Purposefully, we are promising to abstain from the very things, which tend to trip us up & gain enough peace to permanently CHANGE.
In the action of mastering the body for 24 hours, you are believed to
create clarity & direction.
This 24-hour period creates three distinct endpoints: desolation-consecration-restoration.

The immediate results are zoning in on who you are and becoming one with it. Learning to clearly identify everything that grades aspects of my life as opportunities to GROW in peace, resilience, & personal accountability.

This approach lays the infrastructure to do what you can & leave what is best left ALONE.

So many of us brag about having “no regrets.” The problem with this mindset is it inevitably guarantees repeats of the same challenges in the future...because we never fully dealt with the past.
Its imperative we schedule time to regularly reflect, so we can see the ERROR & TRUTH concerning every aspect of our lives. It’s in the mastering of our moments, that we craft the masterpiece of our lives.

The great thing about our lives is that we can atone DAILY. As we become masterful in atoning, we can learn to atone each moment.

Please share your victories, your setbacks & your questions. I swear that none of us is as smart as all of us.

I’m surrendered to the process. I will win. I will continue to master the art of active listening, communicating & forgiving others & myself…. all with intact boundaries.

Each day:

Identify where your thinking went/goes wayward?

Identify the answer and ask yourself why it isn’t working in your life?

Make it your goal to make someone else’s day. Get past all of the good intentions.

Now when life’s three, four point formations (popularly witnessed in football play) come your way, you can handle them.